_Dorian_ (_hurt_). You never like anything I wear. You Anglo-Indians are corrupt without being charming. This is a fault. [_Arranges his fringe in an old Dutch-silver mirror on the opposite mantelpiece, framed in curiously-carved ivory Cupids, and studded with precious stones, chiefly opals, sapphires, and chrysoberyls._ _Ethel Newcome_ (_to_ Secretary). Who are those two pretty American girls? They seem to be attracting a great deal of attention. (_I_ am completely forgotten, I notice.) Do their dresses come from Paris? _Secretary._ No. I think not, dear Miss NEWCOME. From Messrs. HOWELLS AND JAMES, I fancy. _Richard Feverel_ (_cheerily, across the table to_ Mr. PICKWICK). In tolerance of some dithyrambic inebriety--quiverings of semi-narration--we seem to be entering the circle of a most magnetic pseudo-polarity. Don't we? _Mr. Pickwick_ (_puzzled_). Very kind of you to say so, I'm sure. May I have the pleasure of taking wine with you? [_Dinner proceeds with animation._ BOOTLES' Baby, Little JIM, PAUL DOMBEY, _and the_ Heavenly Twins _come in to dessert, and are more or less troublesome_. _Sir Lyon_ (_aside, to_ Secretary, _when the ladies have retired_). I say, you know I am afraid this is going to hang fire. It's nothing less than a miracle for a social affair to go off well when the people are not in the same set. Old PICKWICK's been asking for "a wassail bowl." I haven't got such a thing about me; and I should have thought '74 champagne would have been good enough, but he says it's like our humour--_too new_! The children are bothering to know why there isn't a Christmas-tree. _Secretary._ Tell them to go to the--Haymarket. The reward will be--swift. Might I suggest mistletoe? I should be very pleased to go under it with Madame BOVARY, just to show the others how to---- _Sir Lyon_ (_stiffly_). Much obliged, but I will not give you that trouble. If _anyone_ goes under the mistletoe with Madame BOVARY it will be myself. Remember that. _Secretary._ Oh, certainly! I merely meant----How about crackers? I could set the thing going by pulling one with Miss OLIVIA. The old Vicar said just now, in his pointed, Gothic way, something about times having changed, and---- _Sir Lyon._ Yes, we'll have crackers, but you can leave _me_ to pull the first one with Miss OLIVIA. It would look better. Perhaps we'd better let the Ghosts give their entertainment now--eh? _Secretary._ I'll arrange it at once. SCENE III.--_In the Hall, in which is a temporary theatre; all the Modern Celebrities are seated on rows of chairs, chattering, flirting, and discussing Insomnia and the New Criticism. Behind the scenes the Ghosts are disputing as to which shall recite first, the order of precedence depending entirely on the question as to which is the most completely defunct. Finally_, ERNEST MALTRAVERS _and_ TOM JONES _go on together, and the Curtain goes up_.