On religious instruction being entirely omitted from the School Board curriculum, the following suggestions towards the formation of a moral and physical catechism may possibly be of use:-- _Question._ There was at one time much debating about a so-called "Conscience Clause." Now I will ask you what are we to understand by the word "conscience"? _Answer._ It is only a name for the action of the liver in its various states. _Q._ What is a "troubled conscience"? _A._ It may arise from indigestion, or from an east wind, or from many other causes which affect different persons, with differing livers, in a variety of ways. _Q._ In what sense do you recognise "conscience" as "an inward monitor"? _A._ Its recognition as such depends on the extent of each individual's acquaintance with his own particular physical organisation as differentiated from that of others. In some cases the "voice of the inward monitor" may point to blue pill, and in others it may indicate moderated remedies. _Q._ What is the moral law? _A._ The so-called moral law is purely hygienic. Perfect health is perfect morality. _Mens sana in corpore sano._ "Law," so-called, is for the protection of the "good livers," and for the punishment of the "evil livers." _Voilà tout!_ * * * * * THE ONLY PROFESSION WHERE THERE _ISN'T_ "THE 'DEVIL' TO PAY."--The Legal. * * * * * EUROPEAN CRISIS AVERTED!! [Illustration: _"Touché!"_ Victorious Bancroft and Victorien Sardou.] _Latest Intelligence._--We are glad to be able to assure our readers that, in spite of relations between the two parties being somewhat strained, it is not apprehended that serious international complications will arise out of "_L'affaire Bancroft-Sardou_;" though it _is_ now pretty generally known that so grave a catastrophe has only been averted by the sudden change in the French Ministry. * * * * * DEPTFORD HATH ITS DARLING. A LAY OF LOYALTY. ["Mr. DARLING, of Deptford, considers it his mission to chastise the HOME SECRETARY."--_Illustrated News._] AIR--_"Charlie is my Darling."_ Deptford hath its DARLING, its DARLING, its DARLING! O! Deptford hath its DARLING, the great Cav-il-ler! If ASQUITH needs stern warning, Or MORLEY wants the spur, They'll find it in our DARLING, The great Ca-vil-ler! O! Deptford hath its DARLING, &c. As he comes striding up the House, GLADSTONE shrinks like a cur; He knows _his_ fluency must fail To foil the Ca-vil-ler! O! Deptford hath its DARLING, &c. "With Liberty Caps upon their heads Shall Anarchists confer On treason in Trafalgar Square?" Demands the Ca-vil-ler! O! Deptford hath its DARLING, &c. "Now stand aside, you Liberal loon! _I_'m going to raise a stir; I'll harry you--at Question time!" Quoth the great Ca-vil-ler! O! Deptford hath its DARLING, &c.