He would have a daily paper, Standard authors sold in parts, Shops of tailor, hatter, draper, An Academy of Arts. He would teach, by plays, the loyal Folk on marsh or fertile plain, Opening a Theatre Royal, Where they've only Reeds and Grain. And, till death made him a _Morgue_ 'un, WAGNER, BRAHMS and GREIG no doubt He would doat on--then your organ Might be ruthlessly chucked out. * * * * * THE CENTRAL HALL OF THE LAW COURTS. O barristers' wigs from far and wide You gather anew! The Strand, like meadow with daisies pied, Is dotted with you. You crowd the courts, so stuffy, so small, So awkwardly placed; You don't go into the Central Hall-- Magnificent waste! That thing of beauty was meant to be For ever a joy, Just built to accommodate, as we see, One messenger boy. Proud emblem he of the empire's might, That thus, for a whim, Spent pounds in thousands with such delight Just to shelter him. The courts are draughty, the courts are dark, The passages small, And witness, client, solicitor, clerk, Are squeezed in them all. Those lancet windows on winding stairs Don't help one to see; A falling Commissioner even swears Without any fee. Still though we stumble and though we're squeezed, We all recollect That deserted Hall, and we're truly pleased With it's fine effect. The vacant acre of paving there Should never annoy, It has one occupant, we 're aware-- That messenger boy. * * * * * SONG OF THE AUTUMN SESSION. (BY A RELUCTANTLY RETURNED M.P.) AIR--"_O! that will be joyful!_" HERE we suffer grief and pain, Here we part to meet again: No field, no copse, no moor! O! it will be jawful, Jawful, jawful, jawful! O! isn't it awful? Autumn Meet's an awful bore! All who hate the "Lords," you know, Swear this misery below, We owe to peers above! O! that, &c. We'll be lammed by LABOUCHERE, Who the Afric strife will swear Is due to RHODES'S rule. O! won't _he_ be jawful, &c. ASHMEAD, too, will strive to prove Freedom, prestige, all we love We'll lose to gain no more, Through GLADSTONE the jawful, &c. O! how weary we shall be, Ere the two Big Bills, or three, Are passed and Peer-wards gone! O! WEG will be jawful, &c. Then the Rads will shout with joy, And the short Recess employ, In larrupping the Lords! O! won't _they_ be jawful?-- Awful, awful, awful! It shouldn't be lawful Autumn Meets to summon more! * * * * *