He's great upon the music-halls, can tell you what befalls there; He drops in at the Gaiety, and ornaments the stalls there; He knows each vapid joke by heart, and wishes that he knew more; They quite conform in quality to _his_ idea of humour. He skims the sportin' papers, and devours the shillin' thriller; He counts the bard of comic songs a cut above a SCHILLER-- In fact, they scoff at poets in his very wide-awake sphere, And in his secret soul he has a fine contempt for SHAKSPEARE. He dawdles dully through his day in quite the latest fashion-- A round of folly minus wit, and vice without its passion. At five he walks "the Burlington," in which esteemed Arcade he Meets various of his chosen chums--the silly and the shady; Then to the Berkeley or Savoy at eight o'clock or later, Much over-dressed, to over-dine, and over-tip the waiter. The theatre next, and last his club (the which he takes delight in), To prove his pluck by "lookin' on at other Johnnies fightin'." His conversation's all made up of stable and of scandal, And tales of "chaps he knows"--whose names have mostly got a "handle." He "don't go in" for ladies much, their style of charm is _not_ his, Which follows on the model of the "Lotties" and the "Totties." He doesn't sing, he doesn't dance, he has no recreation That doesn't sap his scanty brains or sear his reputation, In short,--for him, his antics and his never-ceasin' "rippin'," There's just one cure would answer, and that's whippin', whippin', whippin'. Oh! Whippin', whippin', I'd like to set him skippin', To end his bets and cigarettes and stop his kümmel-nippin', With cure in kind his flabby mind to put a little grip in, To brisk his walk and sense his talk with whippin', whippin', whippin'! * * * * * UNDER THE ROSE. (_A Story in Scenes_.) SCENE VIII.--_A prettily-furnished Drawing-room at the_ MERRIDEWS' _House in Hans Place_. TIME--_About 5.30 on Saturday afternoon_. Mrs. MERRIDEW _has a small tea-table in front of her_. ALTHEA _is sitting on a couch close by_. _Both ladies are wearing their hats, having just returned from a drive_. Mrs. MERRIDEW _is young and attractive, and her frock is in the latest fashion_; ALTHEA _is more simply dressed, though her hair and toilette have evidently been supervised by an experienced maid_. _Mrs. Merridew_. I don't think I've ever known the Park so full before Easter as it was to-day. Try one of those hot cakes, THEA, or a jam sandwich--we don't dine till late, you know. It's been so nice having you, I do wish you hadn't to go on Monday--_must_ you? _Althea_. I'm afraid I must, CISSIE; it has been the most delightful week; only--Clapham will seem dreadfully flat after all this. _She sighs_. _Mrs. M_. Notwithstanding the excitement of Mr. CURPHEW'S conversation?