At breakfast-time we used to talk On topics commonplace together, Designed a picnic, planned a walk, And even criticised the weather; We gossiped in an idle way, And made in turn our several guesses About the age of Mrs. A., The price of Lady X.'s dresses. But now, according to your scheme, Each carefully-instructed maiden Discourses on a worthy theme, And comes with fact and figures laden; To-day, for instance, MURIEL gave Some gems from CICERO'S orations, While MAUD reviewed, in language grave, The Lower Tertiary Formations. And KATE--the mischief-making KATE Who formerly would merely prattle-- Described, in accents most sedate, The use of cavalry in battle. In fact, by this most noble plan, Which on your kind advice we're using, Our conversation never can Deserve your censure as amusing! * * * * * THE FOOL WITH A GUN. (_To the Tune of the "Temptation of St. Antony."_) There are many fools that worry this world, Fools old, and fools who're young; Fools with fortunes, and fools without, Fools who dogmatise, fools who doubt, Fools who snigger, and fools who shout, Fools who never know what they're about, And fools all cheek and tongue; Fools who're gentlemen, fools who're cads, Fools who're greybeards, and fools who're lads; Fools with manias, fools with fads, Fools with cameras, fools with tracts, Fools who deny the stubbornest facts, Fools in theories, fools in acts; Fools who write Theosophist books, Fools who believe in Mahatmas and spooks; Fools who prophesy--races and Tophets-- Bigger fools who believe in prophets; Fools who quarrel, and fools who quack; In fact, there are all sorts of fools in the pack, Fools fat, thin, short, and tall; But of all sorts of fools, the Fool with a Gun (Who points it at someone--of course, "in fun"-- And fools around till chance murder is done) Is the worsest fool of them all! * * * * * "BEING AT CHARGES."--A subject for companion picture to the well-known "_The Last Charge at Waterloo_" would be "_The Last Charge of the Archbishop of Canterbury_." For ourselves, in preference to either the ecclesiastical or the military view of a charge, we like to hear the Lord Mayor's toast-master call out, "Gentlemen! _Charge_--your glasses!!" * * * * * UNDER THE ROSE. (_A Story in Scenes._) SCENE VI.--_The Breakfast-room at Hornbeam Lodge._ TIME--8.40 A.M. _on Saturday morning_. Mrs. TOOVEY _is alone_, _making the tea_.