"Just wait two or three years," grumbles JOHN, "and _I'll_ show, _If my ships will but swim_, I can still whop the foe. Stop a bit--whilst my big-wigs build, blunder, debate!" Ah! that's all mighty fine, but, my JOHN, _will_ they wait? Iron coffins our ships, &c. Britannia triumphant we all wish to see, Quite equal to two foreign fleets, perhaps three; So cheer up, my hearties, and banish your fears! They will build us a ship as _will_ float--in three years! (_Meanwhile, my lads, "chorus as before," if you please, until further orders from our Naval Oracles!_) Iron, coffins our ships, DAVY'S wictims our men; In wessels unsteady, We're ready, aye ready, To sink or turn turtle again and again! * * * * * [Illustration: PART II. THE LOWER CREATION--SEEKING FOR A JOB.] * * * * * SONNET. (_By a Failure._) Why Long, Strong Sigh? I _Wrong_ Song Try! Ne'er Muse Dare Use Worse Verse!! * * * * * FROM COLCHESTER.--The oysters are trembling in their beds. On October 6th the Duke of CAMBRIDGE is expected to attack the natives at Colchester in full force. Last year, when Sir D. EVANS was in the chair at the banquet, 20,000 oysters were consumed! Good EVANS!! * * * * * A VERY ANNOYING STREAM.--The River _Tees_. * * * * * LETTERS FOR THE SILLY SEASON. (_Apparently intended for some of our Contemporaries._) SIR,--Of course I do not wish to be frivolous, but do you not think that "_lovely_," "_too sweet_," "_quite too darling_," and other expressions in italics are miss-used words? At any rate, they are constantly in the mouths of my daughters and nieces. Yours truly, PATERFAMILIAS. SIR,--I give a list of misused words that have occurred to me during a month on the Continent. I put the words I consider inappropriately applied in italics. Paris is _inexpensive_, Boulogne is _beautiful_, Cologne is _inodorous_, German cookery is _good_, 'ARRY on his travels is _pleasant_, garlic is _agreeable_, hotel charges in Italy are _moderate_, railway travelling in Belgium is _expeditious_, washing-basins in Swiss hotels are _large_, a rough passage across the Channel is _delightful_, and the Continent is _like_ home. I could extend the list indefinitely, but have written enough to show how imperfect the English language really is to convey accurately one's most ordinary ideas. I may add that when I have used and not misused words, I have been told that I have no right to swear--so what _can_ I do? Yours truly, COMMON SENSE.