7. Have to attend week later at hearing of summons. Journey again 4-½_d._ Bow Street _not_ a nice court. Hymn-book restored to me. 8. Chief Commissioner appeals! Believes there is another person of my name to whom book may belong. "If I give it up quietly, shall hear no more about it." Give up my own hymn-book! Never! 9. Appeal dismissed. Attendance and costs amount to £45. And I am the winning party! 10. Chief Commissioner "carries me" to House of Lords, but does not pay carriage. Preliminary costs, £80. 11. Long Vacation. 12. House of Lords sits. "Has no doubt hymn-book belongs to other person of my name." I to pay all costs in all Courts! 13. Ruined! * * * * * "I shall be all right again soon, I'll be bound!" as a dilapidated First Edition observed. * * * * * INTER-UNIVERSITY FOOTBALL. [Yale _v._ Princeton University. "Before the game commenced an Inspector of police, who was on the ground, addressed the two teams, and cautioned them against violent play. This warning is without precedent in the history of the University contests."--_Reuter._] [Illustration] SCENE--_Queen's Club. Oxford and Cambridge Football Match. Teams undergoing modern torture of ordeal by photograph. Enter_ Police-Inspector, _rampant, supported by two Peelers proper. He "addresses the two teams":_-- I'm an Inspector bold, yet wary, So, gents, you must all take care, For I'm here to boss this battle, And see that you all fight fair. Now fisting, and scragging, and hacking, Are all fair enough, we say, But if gents exceed the limits Of legitimate violent play, We'll run them in, we'll run them in, As sure as we're standing here, We'll run them in, we'll run them in, For the Peeler knows no fear! Of course you may fight each other, But you mustn't attack the crowd, For we can't have unlimited bloodshed, And weapons are not allowed. So, gents, I must kindly ask you To enter the field without Your bludgeons and knives and pistols, Or else, beyond all doubt, We'll run you in, &c., &c. [_Teams join in chorus. Exit_ Inspector _to look after ambulance arrangements._ * * * * * THE SUNDAY LECTURE CASE. The Lord's Day Observance Society Would make us all pinks of propriety-- All models of mental sobriety, That is _Stiggins_ and _Chadband_ combined. They gain, doubtless, some notoriety By such overwhelming anxiety To force on us their sort of piety Of a most puritanical kind. This _Sunday at Home_ mental diet, I Dislike, I would rather not try it; I Suggest that, by way of variety. Their own business now they should mind. * * * * * Prize Conundrum before Christmas. _How to Make Life Happy._--An Infallible Recipe:--Add fifty-nine to the latter half of it. *** _Solution will be given next week._