Note: Project Gutenberg also has an HTML version of this file which includes the original illustrations. See 42853-h.htm or 42853-h.zip: (http://www.gutenberg.org/files/42853/42853-h/42853-h.htm) or (http://www.gutenberg.org/files/42853/42853-h.zip) Some characters might not display in this UTF-8 text version or in the html version. If so, the reader should consult the iso-8859-1 (Latin-1) text file 42853-8.txt or 42853.zip: (http://www.gutenberg.org/files/42853/42853-8.txt) or (http://www.gutenberg.org/files/42853/42853-8.zip) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. VOL. 107. December 22, 1894 [Illustration: HONOURS DIVIDED. _Mr. Goodchild._ "YES, I DO FEEL IN GOOD SPIRITS THIS EVENING. MY BOY HAS PASSED HIS EXAMINATION!" _The Earl._ "WELL, I DON'T SEE ANYTHING IN THAT. SO HAS MINE." _Mr. Goodchild._ "ER--INDIAN CIVIL?" _The Earl._ "NO--BANKRUPTCY!"] * * * * * THE SNUBBED PROFESSIONAL'S VADE MECUM. _Question._ You consider yourself neglected because, I presume, the public do not appreciate you at your proper value? _Answer._ That is, indeed, the case, and for further particulars I refer you to a recent correspondence in the _Pall Mall Gazette_. _Q._ Is it not necessary that you should acquire an immense amount of knowledge to undertake the duties of your profession worthily? _A._ Certainly; and we welcome any kind of safeguard that will protect the public against fraud and imposture. _Q._ Then you consider your profession very seriously? _A._ Undoubtedly. It is the most important profession in the world; not a man, woman, or child exists who has not derived some benefit from its exercise. _Q._ If I am not mistaken, you ought to be educated at Oxford or Cambridge to do full justice to your opportunities? _A._ Certainly; upon the foundation of a school training at either Eton, Westminster, Rugby, or Harrow. _Q._ Ought you not to take up human and comparative anatomy? _A._ As a matter of course, combined with physiology and chemistry. _Q._ But does every professor of your art follow this routine of work? _A._ Those who are of the greater worth. There are outsiders who assume our noble name and yet know nothing of our special subject. _Q._ Besides the studies you have mentioned, are there any others necessary to the formation of a man of your special attainments? _A._ Well, it would be well for an operator to understand metallurgy and mechanics. _Q._ And have you to cultivate the graces of the person? _A._ Certainly; you must be of a pleasing and courteous presence. You must be fitted by nature and art to obtain the confidence of those who pay you a professional visit. You must be tender and true. You must be able to converse on every subject under the sun, and distract the attention of a sufferer from his pains by causing him to listen to your anecdotes. _Q._ It seems, then, you must be an admirable Crichton?