_Punch_ sympathises with his friend DUNRAVEN, Who nevermore may see return to haven That gallant, luckless yacht. PRIMROSE, dear boy, even the fleet _Ladas_ May yield without disgrace to _Isinglass_, But _Bullingdon!_--that's hot! Perchance the Nonconformist Conscience now May be conciliated! Anyhow The horse may "come again," But that proud yacht lies twenty fathom deep! May NEPTUNE carefully and kindly keep That hull beneath his main. Sure there is nothing of her but should change Sea-shapen into something rich and strange. Well, England will regret With a good, sportsman by disaster struck, And hope he'll live with a new yacht--and luck To lick the Yankee yet! * * * * * TALK IN COURT. (_Consequent on the Peerage Invading the Ranks of the Bar._) May it please your Lordship, the Duke, my learned and noble junior, will read the pleadings. I will leave it to my noble and learned friend the Marquis to examine the next witness. I can quite understand your Lordship's annoyance, but I can assure you, my lord, that the noble Earl from whom I receive my instructions promised that the documents should be forthcoming. I suppose we may leave the question of costs to be settled by our juniors the illustrious Prince and the hereditary Earl Gardener? Really, Duke, I must ask you not to interrupt me while I am conducting this cross-examination. I regret, my Lord, that my young and promising junior, who has but recently been called to the Bar, should have made the concession, but it is only right to tell your Lordship that the nobleman in question--the Duke of HERNE BAY--misunderstood his instructions. I am sorry, my Lord, that absence in another part of the building prevented me from addressing your Lordship. I trust, however, that the inexperience of my noble and learned friend, the Viscount TOTTENHAM COURT ROAD, will not be allowed to prejudice my client's interests. As your Lordship pleases! * * * * * A SONG OF THE TWENTIETH CENTURY. Mamma is a judge of divorces, Sister ANNE is a learned Q.C., ELIZA is great upon horses, And DORA a thriving M.D. Aunt JANE is a popular preacher, Aunt SUSAN a dealer in stocks, While Father, the gentlest old creature, Attends to the family socks. Aunt POLLY'S a marvel of knowledge, With any amount of degrees, She's Master or head of some college-- I forget whether Corpus or Caius-- Aunt NELL is the eminent counsel Who pleads at the criminal bar, And I feed the canary with groundsel For I'm learning to be a Papa.