MATEY then was Lord ORMONT'S secretary. A sad dog his Lordship; all the women on bended knees to his glory. Who shall own him? What cares he so it be a petticoat? For women go the helter-skelter pace; head-first they plunge or kick like barking cuckoos. You can tether them with a dab for Sir FRANCIS JEUNE. He will charge a jury to the right-about of a crapulous fallow-ball, stiff as Rhadamanthus eyeing the tremblers. But MATEY had met this one before. Memories came pouring. He gazed. Was she, in truth, Lord ORMONT'S? The thought spanked him in the face. A wife? Possibly. And with an aunt--AMINTA'S aunt. She has a nose like a trout skimming a river for flies, then rises a minute and you not there, always too late with rod and line for sport. But there was danger to these two, and Lord ORMONT was writing his Memoirs. A mad splashing of unnecessary ink on the foolscap made for his head, never more to wear the plumed cocked hat in a clash of thunder-bearing squadrons. END OF VOL. I. * * * * * A VADE MECUM FOR THE NAVAL MANOEUVRES. (_Compiled by a Pessimist._) _Question._ Will the Naval Manoeuvres of 1894 have any novel features? _Answer._ Only in the imagination of the special correspondents. _Q._ Will there be the customary coloured fleets? _A._ Yes, with the usual commanders, officers and men. _Q._ Will the lesson that a fleet having speed equal to a pursuing fleet, if given a start, will escape, be taught to all concerned? _A._ Yes, to the great admiration of the authorities at Somerset House and Whitehall. _Q._ Will it be demonstrated that if a town on the coast is left undefended, a hostile ironclad will be able to bombard it at pleasure? _A._ Yes, to the satisfaction of every scientist in the United Kingdom. _Q._ Will it also be made clear to the meanest comprehension that if the night is sufficiently dark, and search-lights insufficient, a fleet will get out of a harbour in spite of considerable opposition? _A._ Yes, to the great appreciation of the world at large, and the British public in particular. _Q._ Will there be the customary secrecy about self-evident facts and trivial details? _A._ Yes, to the annoyance of the newspaper correspondents, and the indignation of editors thirsting for copy. _Q._ And, lastly, how may the Naval Manoeuvres be appropriately defined? _A._ As the means of obtaining the minimum of information at the maximum of expense. * * * * * A PAINFUL POSITION. It is my base biographer I've haunted all day long. He's writing out my character, And every word is wrong.