And then Aphrodite! Oh my! In that dress she must feel rather freezy. There's confidence, though, in her eye, She is taking it quite Japanesy. That _musumé_ smile's quite a fetch, And yet--I acknowledge--between us-- (They'll call me a cold-blooded wretch) I _can't_ stand a Japanese Venus! And so "the Hesperian fruit" I must really reserve--for the present. Yes. Heré will call me a brute, And Pallas say things most unpleasant, Aphrodite--won't _she_ give me beans! They all want the pippin--you bet it! To grab it each "goddess" quite means, And oh! don't they wish they may get it? * * * * * "The New Woman" (according to the type suggested by the 'Revolt of the Daughters') should be known as "The Revolting Woman." * * * * * A BALLADE OF THREE VOLUMES. O awful sentence that we read, O news that really seems to stun, For Messrs. MUDIE have decreed, And also Messrs. SMITH AND SON, Henceforth consistently to shun The trilogies we value so, And that, for thus the tidings run, Three-volume novels are to go! Reflect to what it soon must lead, This rash reform which you've begun; How can the novelist succeed In packing tragedy and fun Within the space of Volume One? Already his returns are low, Soon he'll be utterly undone-- Three-volume novels are to go! And then for us, who humbly plead For long romances deftly spun, Will not these stern barbarians heed Our concentrated malison? Alas, your literary Hun Nor sorrow nor remorse can know; He cries in anger, "Simpleton, Three-volume novels are to go!" _Envoi._ Prince, writers' rights--forgive the pun-- And readers' too, forbid the blow; Of triple pleasure there'll be none, Three-volume novels are to go! * * * * * Mrs. R. says she "quite understands the truth of the ancient proverb which says that 'the man who has a family has given sausages to fortune.'" * * * * * LYRE AND LANCET. (_A Story in Scenes._) PART IV.--RUSHING TO CONCLUSIONS. SCENE IV.--_A First-Class Compartment._