"WELL, MA'AM, I THOUGHT IT DIDN'T MUCH MATTER, AS THE ARMS WERE BROKEN OFF ALREADY!"] * * * * * A SOFT ANSWER. (_An Unpublished Letter to a Whisterical Wesleyan, which shows the infinite possibilities of historic parallels._) DEAR SIR,--I am much obliged to you for your letter, in which you call my attention to the widespread practice of whist-playing, and in particular to the deteriorating effect of threepenny points. May I remind you of the fact, which I make no doubt you have temporarily overlooked, that JOHN WESLEY'S favourite game was whist? Like JOHN WESLEY, I play whist, and I do not mind confessing that when I get a good hand I am none the worse pleased. Believe me, Yours faithfully, R-S-B-RY. * * * * * BALLADE OF IMITATIONS. (_With Apologies to Miss Loftus for calling her "Cissie."_) The weary worldling of to-day Uneasy wanders to and fro To find in all things, grave or gay. Just nothing that is "worth a blow," (Forgive the curious phrase,) although It's absolutely certain, this--he Will praise in phrases all aglow The imitative charms of CISSIE. The orchestra begins to play, The lights are high that once were low. Then CISSIE comes without delay, Her simple dress tied with a bow. How kind of Fortune to bestow On us this captivating Missie. 'Twere vain to try to overthrow The imitative charms of CISSIE. Miss FLORENCE ST. JOHN'S artless way, Miss YOHÈ in her ballad "_Oh, Oh, Honey, Honey!_" or JANE MAY As _Pierrette_ and _Pierrot_, YVETTE GUILBERT'S superb _argot_, Miss LETTY LIND in "_Kissie, Kissie_," Are all invoked to help to show The imitative charms of CISSIE. _L' Envoi._ Friend, if you chance to find it slow, And seek a joyous form of diss- ipation, quickly get to know The imitative charms of CISSIE. * * * * * PARTIALLY UNREPORTED DIALOGUE. "A DEANE should be more reverend," said Mr. WILLIS, Q.C., in the BETTINI case. "Where there's a _Will is_ a way," retorted Mr. DEANE, Q.C. "'If you will be honest with me, I will be honest with you.'" "The whole matter is very clear," interposed the learned Judge, severely. "Mr. BETTINI-WILLIS expects from the DEANE, chapter----" "And verse," interposed Mr. DEANE, Q.C., and straightway broke out melodiously with-- "'Tis good to be merry and wise, 'Tis good to be thorough and true, If you will be honest with me, My Q.C., Then I will be honest with you!" Chorus of everybody. Harmonious proceedings, and Court adjourned. * * * * * ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.