It is curious to observe the attitude of Western Powers towards the life-and-death struggle going on in the far East. We of course regret the loss of life, but are mainly interested in observing the effect in actual work of ships and guns identical with our own. It is a sort of gigantic test got up for our benefit at somebody else's expense. That an ancient empire seems tottering to a fall moves no emotion. "Yes," said the Member for SARK, to whom these recondite remarks were addressed; "POPE wasn't far out of it when he very nearly said 'Europe is mistress of herself though China fall.'" * * * * * "MOVING ABOUT IN WORLDS NOT REALISED." (_By a prejudiced but puzzled Victim of Teacaddies and Ginger-jars._) I _suppose_ there's a war in the East, (I am deluged with pictures about it,) But I can't _realise_ it--no, not in the least, And, in spite of the papers, I doubt it. A Chinaman seems such a nebulous chap, And I can't fancy shedding the gore of a Jap. Those parchmenty fellows have fleets? Big Iron-clads, each worth a million? I cannot conceive it, my reason it beats. The lord of the pencil vermilion Fits in with a teacaddy, _not_ a torpedo. Just picture a Ram in that queer bay of Yedo! It seems the right place for a junk, (With a fine flight of storks in the offing), But think of a battle-ship there being sunk By a Krupp! 'Tis suggestive of scoffing. I try to believe, but 'tis merely bravado. It all seems as funny as GILBERT'S _Mikado_. And then those preposterous names, Like a lot of cracked bells all a-tinkling! I try to imagine their militant games, But at present I can't get an inkling Of what it _can_ mean when a fellow named HONG And one TING (Lord High Admiral!) go it ding-dong! A NELSON whose _nomen_ is WHANG To me, I admit's, inconceivable. And war between WO-HUNG and CHING-A-RING CHANG, Sounds funny, but quite unbelievable. And can you conceive Maxim bullets a-sing Round a saffron-hued hero called PONG, or PING-WING? A ship called _Kow-Shing_, I am sure, Can be only a warship _pour rire_. And Count YAMAGATA--he _must_ be a cure! No, no, friends, I very much fear That in spite of the pictures, and portraits, and maps, I _can't_ make live heroes of Johnnies and Japs! Transcriber's note: Small capitals were replaced with ALL CAPITALS. Throughout the document, the oe ligature was replaced with "oe". Throughout the dialogues, there were words used to mimic accents of the speakers. Those words were retained as-is. The illustrations have been moved so that they do not break up paragraphs and so that they are next to the text they illustrate. Errors in punctuation and inconsistent hyphenation were not corrected unless otherwise noted. On page 181, a period was added after "thou dost bless". On page 182, "he meet" was replaced with "he meets".