_Abdurrahman Khan_ (_to himself_). "I THINK THIS'LL FETCH 'EM!" ["Should the Ameer happily accomplish the visit to this country on which he has set his heart, he may be assured of the warm welcome due to one who, since his accession to supreme power in Afghanistan, has been the steady friend of Great Britain."--_Times._]] * * * * * THE DANDY AFGHAN KHAN. (_Cabulee Version of a popular Comic Song._) AIR--"_The Dandy Coloured Coon._" _Ameer, dressing for a projected Visit, sings:_-- Fools called me a mere "Nigger" when I felt Dame Fortune's frown; Up and down--I have known; But now the folks all say, "Why, you're fit to wear a crown. Black or brown--you've won renown." Now a lot of gossips they patter and spy. Someone says, "He wants to have the Muscovite hard by." "Muscovite!" said I,--"hard by!--you're mistooken! This Ameer wants to see no Muscovite. Not at all!--not a bit!-- 'Tain't for him at all the Afghan crown is meant!" "Go on!"--say they,--"Who is it?" _Chorus._ "Why, it's AB-DUR-RAHMAN, son of AFZUL, son of DOST MOHAMMED, means to rule the fierce Af_ghan_! Don't you know me?--Go on!--Well, you _will_, my good man, For I'm AB-DUR-RAHMAN the dandy Afghan Khan!" Now a man like me is a terror to the tribes, The Shinwaris,--the Ghilzais! And ISHAK KHAN and others found me galling to their kibes, When revolts--they would raise. They've been putting it about the Ameer is ill. (Wouldn't they delight to administer a pill!) "Ameer, you're ill--_mortal_ ill!"--but I wasn't! "You've palpitation," the quidnuncs state, "From your soles--to your scalp. ISHAK at Samarcand makes your heart palpitate!" "Go on!"--said I,--"nary palp!" _Chorus._--For I'm AB-DUR-RAHMAN, &c. Now I've long had an ambition to far England for to go, Don't you know,--that is so! See Empress-Queen VICTORIA and Mister WALES also. I'm asked to go--to that show! The Empress-Queen to visit me doesn't care. (And doubtless Afghan fashions might make VICTORIA stare.) But there--I swear--I'll go!--and I'm going! Men may say "It's the Shah that this show's about!"-- And another "You're an ass, Sir! 'Taint the Shah-in-Shah at all--you're a long way out!"-- "Go on!"--he'll say,--"ain't it NASS'R?" _Chorus._--No, it's AB-DUR-RAHMAN, &c. So I'll dress the part as near as can be, Please JOHN B.--don't you see! My close-fitting lambswool and silver filagree, Empress V.--might find "free." Should the tribesmen twig this peculiar rig They'd think their Ameer had turned Infidel Pig. What a toff!--Well, I'll say--I'm here--to see the Empress!-- What is that "coon" all the comics sing about? Mister BROWN--JOHN JAMES! If as to me Mister BULL has a doubt, Go on!--I'll say.--My names?