Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 108, January 19, 1895Various
General
Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 108, January 19, 1895
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
I am reminded by this reference to my vacation entertainments, that
it was at one of "these feasts of reason and flows of soul" (as my
learned and distinguished friend APPLEBLOSSOM, Q.C., is kind enough
to call them) that my fortunes underwent a change for the better.
The inhabitants of Justinian Gardens are accustomed to do things very
well. When there is a ball, the number of vehicles (always with one
horse apiece, and sometimes with a pair) is quite considerable. On
such occasions a stranger might imagine that the Gardens had the
advantage of a chronic cab-stand. At 97 (which I think I may describe
as our show-house) there is a butler, and there are few at Justinian
Gardens who cannot boast of a "buttons." I do not secure the services
of a man-retainer myself, and am consequently not quite in the
fashion. However, when I entertain, I do my best to be worthy of the
_prestige_ of my neighbours, and put forth all my strength in making
my house an object of interest. The walls of my modest dwelling-place
are adorned with several mementoes of my not-altogether-common-place
career. For instance, I have had my commission as a Lieutenant of
Volunteers (I served for many years in the Bishop's Own, and was
graciously permitted by Her Majesty to retire with my rank) glazed and
framed, and have treated the pasteboard distinctions I won at school
in a similar fashion. When I purpose entertaining my friends at the
Bar, I have these gratifying landmarks in my life's history polished
up by an individual known in my household as "the handy man." This
person (towards whom I entertain a friendly regard), for a certain
sum an hour undertakes to do anything I require. I believe that he
can paint a house, build a conservatory, cut down a forest, and
reconstruct an aquarium with equal facility. But it is only right
to say that I make this statement on the faith of his guarantor--the
gentleman who was good enough to procure for me the advantage of his
services--and cannot speak from personal knowledge. So far I have only
had the opportunity of testing his capabilities in window-cleaning and
the dusting of works of art. In performing these domestic duties he
shows great energy, and even daring. He seems to delight in standing
on window-ledges and the outer edges of flights of stairs. I have been
given to understand that he glories in these displays of hardihood,
as they remind him of the days and nights when he acted as a rather
prominent member of the Fire Brigade.
"Mr. WILKINS," I said, on my departure for the Temple, "I shall esteem
it a favour if you will be so good as to employ your leisure to-day in
repainting the waterbutts, sweeping the kitchen chimney, putting glass
in the conservatory, regilding the mirror in the study, and, if you
have time, dusting my testimonial."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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