World shifts it, old man, that's a moral! We'll soon 'ave some duchess, on wheels, A-cuttin' all records, and showing young ZIMMY a clean pair of 'eels. Hadvanced Women? Jimminy-Whizz! With the spars and the sails they now carry They'll race us all round, pooty soon, and romp in heasy winners! Yours, 'ARRY. * * * * * RATHER A HANDFUL! There seems to be a feeling among lady writers that they also should have been remembered in the Birthday-honour distribution. That is all very well, but quite a new demand has been started by the _Cork Constitution_, which remarks,-- "It would not of course be regular to bestow a knighthood upon a lady; but the rule in the case of Mrs. DISRAELI might be observed, and a Baroness be conferred upon the author of _Lady Audley's Secret_." What would MISS BRADDON do with a Baroness when she got her? Work her up into her next plot? Peeresses must be "cheap to-day," if they can be given away in this generous style. * * * * * A LAMENT. (CHEAPSIDE, JUNE 6, 1895.) Oh, princely guest from Afghan clime, The poet's lot is hard! Ah! When he would find the proper rhyme, To balance with Shah-_zada_! I see the guardsman ride erect, The bugle sounds! Aha! _My_ part should be, in verse correct, To greet the Shahza-_da_! Thy quantities have kill'd my song! Despair! I'm off to Mada- gascar, or anywhere! I long To have it right. Shah-_z[)a]d[)a]?_ * * * * * A FAIR Correspondent adds the letters "L. C. C." after her signature. She is _not_ a member of the London County Council, but of the "Lady Cyclists Club." * * * * * [Illustration: PARLIAMENTARY INDIAN EXHIBITION.] * * * * * A KIND INQUIRY. DEAR MR. PUNCH,--A touching epitaph has lately come under my notice. It runs as follows:-- "HIC JACET ANONYMA. She dwelt among the untrodden ways, Where yellow asters throve, A maid whom there were few to praise And fewer still to love. She lived unknown, so none can know The hour she ceased to be, Enough to know she has, and oh! Pray, all men, R. I. P." Is it possible that our old friend, the New Woman, that quite "impossible she," has left us for "another place"? It seems almost too good to be true. Yours unfeelingly, A. MISONEOGYNIST. P.S.--You will observe that she died a spinster, of uncertain age. * * * * * A sportsman, not particularly literary, but very fond of theatricals, says that he hears there is a play going on called _Don Quickshot_. He thinks the first syllable may have been accidentally omitted, but feels certain that the _London Quickshot_ ought to make a hit. * * * * * Scoring for DR. GRACE.--"A Running Commentary." * * * * * [Illustration: HOW THINGS WILL OUT.