That I lent a man half-a-sovereign. That I didn't back the winner. * * * COMMERCIAL AND NAUTICAL.--Two City men, twin brothers and partners, in character the very reverse of CHARLES DICKENS'S kind and generous _Cheerybles_, are known as "The Twin Screws." * * * WHITSUNTIDE.--"Don't stop in! I'll take you out if you'll only come," as the dentist said to the tooth. * * * * * ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P. _House of Commons, Monday, May, 27._--RITCHIE back to-day, after long absence. Changed address from Tower Hamlets to Croydon. Waiting to be called to table by SPEAKER, had opportunity of hearing long debate round Bill promoted by London County Council. RITCHIE, as President of Local Government Board in last Ministry, made London County Council possible. Happy thought to play him in, as it were, with County Council debate. "Been out of it nearly three years now, TOBY," said RITCHIE, when, one of a score of old members, I went to shake hands and bid him welcome; "just the same old place; perhaps a little duller at the moment. What they want is new blood, or, perhaps, better still, a re-infusion of old blood. Can't give them a new County Council Bill; must try and make them somehow sit up." These thoughts pressed upon him as he stood at table signing Roll of Parliament after having been sworn in. Brought his hat with him, as new Members do, since, as yet, they have no peg to hang it on. Placed it on table whilst he signed the Roll. Passing on to be introduced to SPEAKER, observed with a start that there were two hats on the table. Odd. Was sure he had brought only one. Blessed is the man who makes two blades of grass grow where formerly only one peeped forth. Possibly analagous benison for a man who, planting one hat down on a table, looks and behold there are two. Happy omen; make the most of it; wouldn't do to go off with two hats. House sure to remark it. Besides, how could he shake hands with the SPEAKER holding a hat in either hand? Next best thing to select the newest; did so with pretty air of abstraction; advanced one step between table and Treasury Bench on way to SPEAKER'S chair when he felt firm grip on his elbow, and a well known voice in his ear. "Give me neither RITCHIES nor poverty, but do leave me my hat." It was the voice of the SQUIRE OF MALWOOD. "Oh, I beg your pardon. How d'ye do?" said RITCHIE, hurriedly returning the SQUIRE'S Sunday hat, and taking up his own, which had suffered the rigours of a wet and windy nomination day. House cheered and laughed. KNATCHBULL-HUGESSEN gravely shook his head. "That's all very well," said he. "But a man who would pander to the lowest instincts of humanity by clearing the way for parish councils, would do anything." [Illustration: Ritchie Redivivus! (From a sketch picked up near the Front Opposition Bench.)]