PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. Volume 108, March 16, 1895. _edited by Sir Francis Burnand_ [Illustration: THE COMPENSATING CIRCUMSTANCES. _Sympathetic Visitor._ "POOR _DEAR_ MR. SMITH, HOW HE MUST SUFFER WITH ALL THAT SNEEZING AND COUGHING." _Mrs. Smith._ "HE DOES, INDEED; BUT YOU CAN'T THINK HOW IT AMUSES THE BABY!"] * * * * * THE ADVANTAGE OF BEING CONSISTENT. (_A Dramatic Forecast of the Farce of the Future._) SCENE--_Smoking-room of the Toy Club. Reformed members sipping lemon-squashes and inhaling tea-leaf cigarettes and reading "The Happy Hearth" and periodicals of a similar character._ _First Member._ I am heartily glad that the committee decided to change the name of the club from the Handicap to the Toy, as it has brought an influx of such extremely eligible members. The bishop is perfectly charming. _Second Member._ Quite so, and really the archdeacon's stories are first rate. I suppose you heard his anecdote about the pew-opener who thought that matins were a substitute for oil-cloth? _First Mem._ Excellent, it was told me yesterday by the Lord Chancellor of British Undiscoveredland. And how much better it is that we are not allowed to bet in the old-fashioned way. When you come to think of it, there was something amazingly demoralising in permitting a Guinea Club Sweep for the Derby. _Second Mem._ I should think so! I give you my word that I put my name down in every single sweep in the old Handicap for fifteen years, and never once drew a starter. _First Mem._ My experience too. Have you heard whether there is to be any substitute for the sweep this year? _Second Mem._ Why, yes. I was told by a member of the Recreation Committee that all members taking the bread-and-milk luncheon daily for a week are to have chances for the Grand Derby Race Christmas Tree. _First Mem._ Isn't a Christmas Tree a little too late or too previous in June? _Second Mem._ Well, yes; but then it was said that once the Derby was run in a snow-storm, and so we might take it that sometimes we have winter in summer. _First Mem._ I see. Have you any idea what the prizes are to be? _Second Mem._ Oh, some of them will be very handsome. I am told that the tree is to be decorated with tea-cozies and silver-mounted blue spectacles. _First Mem._ Really! I shall not forget to take my one o'clock bread-and-milk regularly in the coffee-room for the next week. I suppose you have quite given up your betting-book? _Second Mem._ Well, no, because you see the Act permits betting in moderation, and under proper restrictions. For instance, I am quite prepared to take seven to one against Snuffbox for the Hardbake Selling Stakes, only of course it must be in peppermint drops. _First Mem._ (_producing betting-book_). Well, I would accommodate you if I were not overburdened with peppermint-drops. Make it brandy-balls, and I will do it in ounces.