* * * * * THE LAY OF THE BIMETALLIST. I. Who is Silver?--what is she, That all our swells commend her? Very tough and bright is she;-- The heavens such grace did lend her, That adopted she might be-- That adopted she might be! II. Is she constant as she's fair? Or is she light and heady? Gold might to her arms repair To help him to keep steady; And, being helped, inhabit there-- And, being helped, inhabit there. III. Then, if Silver plays mad tricks, Or Gold is always changing, So that none their price can fix, From par to premium ranging-- Let us both together mix!-- Let us both together mix! * * * * * FITTING FINISH.--The Portuguese financial agent wrote last week to the _Times_ to contradict the report as to a "further issue" by his Government of "tobacco bonds." So this ends in smoke. * * * * * A BLUE "TIP" FOR THE UNIVERSITY RACE.--With GAME rowing and HOPE in the bow, the Cambridge Eight this year ought to make a close race of it. * * * * * [Illustration: IMPROVEMENTS IN THE HOUSE OF COMMONS. A SOLUTION OF THE HAT DIFFICULTY. WHY NOT KEEP ON THE PREMISES PORTABLE REPLICAS OF ALL MEMBERS, CAREFULLY MODELLED IN WAX, WITH APPROPRIATELY PADDED FIGURES, WHICH CAN OCCUPY THEIR PLACES DURING ANY TEMPORARY ABSENCE. WHEN _IN SITU_ THE DIFFERENCE IS SCARCELY PERCEPTIBLE.] * * * * * [Illustration: "ANIMAL SPIRITS." NO. VII.--WHILE FROZEN OUT. A RECENT SKETCH AT THE ZOO.] * * * * * ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P. _House of Commons, Monday, March 4._--PRINCE ARTHUR still away, dallying with influenza. Recent experience of carefully considered, but not altogether successful effort at leadership by other wing of allied army doesn't make Opposition irrepressibly anxious for more. At least, not just at present. JOKIM shunted off the main line; HICKS-BEACH takes charge of train in temporary absence of regular guard. To-night Ireland coyly comes again to front; JOHN MORLEY brings in still another Land Bill. In such circumstances PRINCE ARTHUR'S absence, always regrettable, becomes peculiarly unfortunate. He knows Ireland thoroughly, and where knowledge fails he supplies the lack with inflexible opinion; which, in an Irish Minister or Ex-Minister, is the next best thing to knowledge.