PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. VOL. 108. MARCH 23 1895. TO A BAD SHILLING. I confess, "when first I saw your Face," I swore-- One or two mild objurgations, Nothing more. When and where I got you I can Not divine, All I do know is the fact that You are mine. Yes, I _was_ an unsuspecting Sort of muff, Everybody else suspects you Fast enough. Bus-conductors, shopmen, cabbies, Booking-clerks All decline you, sometimes adding Rude remarks: You have danced on sundry counters, And advice Not to "try it on" 's been given me Once or twice. Were you not a paltry "bob," but Half-a-crown, You might be of use and save a Nimble "brown": For you'd find yourself right quickly In the slot, Were you of the right dimensions-- But you're not. I'm beginning to assume a Hang-dog air, For I feel my conduct's hardly "On the square." Now I leave church early (though I Get there late), Lest I may be moved to put you In the plate! That last spark of decent feeling I possess, But my character you've ruined, More or less: So it's time, old pewter shilling, We should part, Which--I lose at least a cab-fare-- Breaks my heart. * * * * * There! I've thrown you in the river, And at last I can thank my stars devoutly, You are "passed"! MORAL. "Change upon the counter should be Strictly eyed; Afterwards mistakes can not be Rectified." * * * * * [Illustration: PRIOR CLAIMS. _Harold._ "YES, AUNTIE CONNIE, I DO LOVE YOU VERY MUCH; BUT I LOVE MAMMA BEST." (_Apologetically._) "YOU SEE I MET HER FIRST!"] * * * * * THE NEW HEN. (_A Fable._) A New Hen wandering disconsolately in a country farmyard once made the acquaintance of a cock of the old school, when both fell into some discourse concerning the changes of the modes. "Ah," said the former, arrogantly addressing the latter, "times are indeed a good deal altered since you were a cockerel, and all for the better, thank goodness! Time was, and not so very long ago either, when I was expected to do nothing save lay eggs and breed chickens: now, however, my mistress must know better than to expect such degrading offices of me, for I will neither lay the one nor breed the other." The old cock was about to offer some remarks in ridicule of these sentiments, when the housewife came into the yard, and, snatching up the New Hen, wrung her neck, remarking to herself as she did so, that a fowl that could neither lay eggs nor rear chickens, had obviously no place in the economy of nature. * * * * *