_Friday._--No doubt about it. In bed. Must see the doctor. Letter from GADSBY. Wants me to go to the theatre to-night. Jolly party. Supper after at his house. Little dance to finish with. Jolly, lively fellow GADSBY. Knows lots of pretty actresses, and has all sorts of larks. Would have been good fun. And here am I in bed! Hang the influenza! But cannot risk anything. Get JONES fetched--JONES, M.D., my old chum. Tell him how I feel, and say I have the influenza. "Bosh!" says he, "you've been sitting in a draught somewhere, and got a little lumbago in your back. It's nothing. And you've stuck in a hot room till you've got a headache for want of fresh air. Get up and go out as soon as you can." Feel better already. Show him GADSBY'S letter. "The very thing," says he; "I'm going. We'll go together. With that influenza of yours, you oughtn't to go out without someone to watch the case." * * * * * [Illustration: THE "SEXO-MANIA." "We think _Lips that have Gone Astray_ the foulest novel that ever yet defiled the English tongue; and that in absolute filth its Author can give any modern French writer six and beat him hollow!"--_The Parthenon._ _Fair Author_ (_to her Publisher, pointing to above Opinion of the Press quoted in his advertisement of her Novel_). "AND PRAY, MR. SHARDSON, WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY INSERTING _THIS_ HIDEOUS NOTICE?" _Publisher._ "MY DEAR MISS FITZMORSE, YOU MUST REMEMBER THAT WE'VE PAID YOU A LARGE PRICE FOR YOUR BOOK, AND BROUGHT IT OUT AT GREAT EXPENSE--AND WE NATURALLY WISH TO SELL IT!"] * * * * * THE EASY CHAIR; OR, MR. SPEAKER'S VALEDICTION. ["According to present arrangements the SPEAKER will deliver his valedictory address on the eve of the adjournment for the Easter recess." _The Times_.] AIR--"_The Cane-bottom'd Chair._" Ah-h-h-h!!! Farewell to _the_ Chair, to the Mace, to the Bar! To tedious twaddle and purposeless jar!-- Away from the House, and its toils, and its cares, I hope to sit snug in my snuggest of chairs. To mount that old Chair was my pride, to be sure; But--the House got ill-mannered, its air grew impure: And the sights I have seen there on many a day Were worthy a lot of young Yahoos at play. Ah! yet that old Chamber had corners and nooks, Which seemed haunted by friendly, familiar old spooks. The GOSSETTS, O'GORMANS, and GLADSTONES! All ends! But escaping old bothers means missing old friends. Old chums, like old china, though possibly cracked, With rickety tempers, and wits broken-backed, Old memory treasures. And when shall men see Such champions as DIZZY and W. G.? No better divan need young ABBAS require Than this snug Easy Chair well drawn up to the fire. Off robes! Wig avaunt! Now I'm cosy!--And yet, If there's something to gladden, there's much to regret.