["A medical contemporary (_The British Medical Journal_) asserts that 'The desire to rise early, except in those trained from youth to outdoor pursuits, is commonly a sign, not of strength of character and vigour of body, but of advancing age.'"--_Daily Telegraph._] 'Twas the voice of the sluggard, I heard him hooray As he turned in his bed at the dawning of day; "_At last_ early rising--that fraud--is found out! Henceforth prigs will leave me alone, I've no doubt! "They've preached at me ever since SOLOMON'S time, And no doubt before it, in prose and in rhyme. Yet truth _will_ prevail, and now Science hath said That for early morning there's no place like bed! "With their early to bed and their early to rise, They've tortured the good, and tormented the wise. In sermons, and spelling-books, proverbs and tracts, And now they just find they've mistaken the facts! "It's just like those moralists! Talk stilted bosh For an æon or two, and then find it won't wash! Lord! how they have stuck up their noses, the prigs, And compared us to sloths and to somnolent pigs. "What price now the ant, and that huge bore the bee? Whilst our old foe, the lark, proves pure fiddle-de-dee. Their healthy, and wealthy, and wise, and what not, Is exploded at last; it is all tommy-rot! "A man's _not_ a black-beetle, to find it a lark To go crawling about chilly rooms in the dark; And if you must rise in the gloom and the cold, The fact only proves that _you're foolish or old!_ "No more, then, need man feel constrained in the least To turn out like an insect, a bird, or a beast; For Medical Science has spoken, and said That the sluggard is right, and there's no place like bed!" [_Curls up, and snores with a clear conscience._ * * * * * THE DRAMATIC COMMON SENSER-SHIP. Last week the name of Mr. REDFORD as newly-appointed Licenser of Plays was announced. This is just to the late Licenser's assistant and deputy. But if the office is to be continued, why should it not be thrown open to competitive examination? A paper of such questions as the following would secure a learned Theban for the office:-- 1. Who was the Licenser of Plays in the time of SHAKSPEARE? 2. Translate passages (given) from (@a@) French dramatists, (@b@) Italian, (@g@) German, (@d@) Spanish, (@e@) Norwegian, (@z@) Russian, (@ê@) Japanese. 3. Translate passages (given) from the works of English dramatists into the above-mentioned languages. 4. Give your opinion on the following "situations" and "plots," and say whether you consider it in the interests of public morality that they should be licensed for performance or not. 5. State your reasons for such opinions.