Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 108, March 30th 1895Various
General
Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 108, March 30th 1895
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
_Tuesday._--Alderman COTTON, once Lord Mayor of London, a prominent
and popular member of the DISRAELI Parliament, left behind him the
memory of one of those things we all would like to say if we could. In
the long series of debates on resolutions moved from Front Opposition
Bench challenging Jingo policy of the day, the Alderman interposed.
"Sir," he said, "this is a solemn moment. Looking towards the East we
perceive the crisis so imminent that it requires only a spark to let
slip the dogs of war."
[Illustration: _MacGregor_ (_as "The Dougal Creature"_). "I'll pass from
that point."]
That was, and remains, inimitable. But to-night the MACGREGOR came very
near its supreme excellence. Stirred to profoundest depths by demands
upon Naval Expenditure. Popping up and down like piston in the
engine-room of Clyde steamer; wrath grew as MELLOR, failing to see him,
called on other speakers. The MACGREGOR knew all about that; a reckless
corrupt Government, afraid of hearing the voice of honest criticism, had
suborned Chairman of Committees to prevent his speaking. But they didn't
know the MACGREGOR. After something like two hours physical exercise in
the way of jumping up and down he caught the Chairman's eye, and (in
Parliamentary sense, of course) punched it. Then "passing from point to
point," as he airily put it, he went for ROBERTSON. Asked the appalled
Civil Lord of the Admiralty what he supposed his constituents in Dundee
would say when they read his speech, in which bang went millions as if
they were saxpences? "What will the worthy citizens say, Mr. MELLOR?" he
repeated. "Why they will say, 'Ma conscience!'"
Never since _Dominie Sampson_ made this remark has so much fervour and
good Scotch accent been thrown in. "Where's the CHANCELLOR OF THE
EXCHEQUER?" MACGREGOR presently asked, evidently eager for fresh blood.
"That has nothing to do with the question," said the Chairman, severely.
"Oh, hasn't it?" jeered the MACGREGOR. "I want to ask him what he has
done with our money?"
Vision instantly conjured up before eyes of Committee of SQUIRE OF
MALWOOD prowling about town with his pockets loaded with £4,132,500.
voted to defray the charge for wages in the Navy, flinging the cash
about like JACK ashore, making the most of his time before Local Veto
became the law of the land.
It was later that the MACGREGOR came in unconscious competition with
Alderman COTTON. Leaving the Navy for a moment he surveyed the Continent
of Europe peopled with armed men. "Why!" he cried with comprehensive
sweep of his arm, "these great armies are like fighting cocks. The least
spark blows them up like magazines of powder."
Not quite so good it will be seen as the Alderman, but good enough for
these degenerate days. Effect on Admiral FIELD so exciting that he was
presently discovered chasing the SAGE OF QUEEN ANNE'S GATE all over
House, desiring, as he said, to "pin him to his words."
_Business done._--Supplementary Estimates voted.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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