[Illustration: "WHAT! AN ACTRESS WITHOUT SHOES OR STOCKINGS! I NEVER HEARD OF SUCH A THING! I SHOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHAT PEOPLE WOULD SAY IF _I_ WERE TO GO FLAUNTING ABOUT ON THE STAGE WITH BARE FEET!"] * * * * * ANTI-BICYCLIST MOTTO.--Rather a year of Europe than a cycle of to-day. * * * * * SCRAPS FROM CHAPS. PRESS-GANG, TO THE REAR!--A delicious "exchange of views" took place at the election of Dungarvan Commissioners. Mr. RYAN is a gentleman who deprecates publicity. He observed:-- My heart is full of gratitude to you, and we will work hand in hand. Scribblers must take a back seat. (_Laughter._) No "terrible scenes" will take place here. I saw Dungarvan placarded in London, "terrible scenes at Dungarvan," and all the disgrace is brought on the town by one man, who, for a few shillings--and if it cost me my life I will put it down. Woe to the man who will continue to do it here. I saw him a pot-boy at the Monks' school, and I say---- _Mr. O'Shea._ If you refer to me, Mr. RYAN, the people of Dungarvan know me better and respect me better than they do you. I am better off than you. You have only a few shillings a week for minding the shop. _Mr. Ryan._ You are lying, Sir. The Board broke up in disorder. * * * * * "Our 'scenes' to publish far and wide Denotes a lack of local pride; These scribblers I can _not_ abide"-- Said RYAN of Dungarvan. "Discord I hate--so I declare My friend and colleague on that chair Once did the alehouse tankards bear"-- Sneered RYAN of Dungarvan. "Mild language, too, I greatly prize; If any one this fact denies I must remark he foully lies"-- Roared RYAN of Dungarvan. * * * * * O MORES!--Farewell to the adjective _gallant_ as a prefix to "little Wales," for no longer can it justly be used in such conjunction! The _British Lady Football Club_ gave an exhibition game in Cardiff, and the inhabitants, says the _South Wales Daily News_, gathered in their thousands to witness the display, in which they were intensely interested. But--_horribile dictu_--whenever a fair _footeress_ "came a cropper, the crowd, _of course, shouted with glee"!_ _Of course!_ When a recreant male sustains a fall, what expressions of tender solicitude burst from the sympathetic lady-spectator's lips! And this her reward! If any of our Gallic neighbours had been present at the match to hear those rude, derisive "_shouts of glee_," their comment, most probably, would have been-- "Gallois--mais pas galant!" * * * * *