a shilling ordinary (_i.e._, ordinary price one shilling). Were they happy to get home? Yes, they were happy to get home; but had to return with the hairdresser, the artist's model, the plasterers, the builders, the sweeps, the fruiterers, but not the quiet young man who contributes poetry to the columns of a local paper. Were the hairdresser, the artist's model, the plasterers, the sweeps, and the fruiterers more noisy at night than they had been in the morning? Yes, they were more noisy, because they had all been drinking the much-adulterated beer of the prosperous but dishonest publican. Did the good neighbour arrive at home at last? Yes, the good neighbour did arrive at home at last, but more dead than alive (_i.e._, aliver than more dead). Will the wife of the good neighbour, her mother, and her six children go on a similar trip on the next suitable occasion? They will go, but they will not be accompanied, if he can help it, by the good neighbour. Will the good neighbour be able to help it? No, the good neighbour will not be able to help it; so he will accompany his wife, his wife's mother, and his six children, protesting. Will the good neighbour use good language? No, the good neighbour will use bad language. Will the bad language of the good neighbour be very wrong? Yes, the bad language of the good neighbour will be very wrong, but it will not be unnatural. * * * * * On the Cards. M'CARTHY a-cudgelling HEALY now starts, And HEALY mild JUSTIN remorselessly drubs. Alas, that long over-due "Union of _Hearts_," Will become a Collision of _Clubs!_ * * * * * MONOPOLY.--M. MAX O'RELL, who has commonly "a guid conceit o' himsel'," and shows it, with more than Scottish--or, as _he_ says, Scotch--simplicity, dislikes the monopolist egotism shown in the phrase "an English gentleman." "A gentleman of France" would perhaps less shock his fine altruistic sensibilities. He suggests that speaking of a courteous Scot we dub him "an _English_ gentleman," but were he a murderer should call him "a _Scotch_ murderer." Perhaps he will write a new book, and call it "JOHN BULL and his _Bile_." "It is wonderful" (he continues) "how JOHN BULL manages to monopolise all that is good, and let the rest of the world partake of what he does not want." Well, not entirely, perhaps. For example, JOHN BULL does not wish to "monopolise" MAX O'RELL himself, though, of course, he is "good," and full of "good things." * * * * * [Illustration: "The Sooner the Better." FIRST PORTER (A. J. B.) "COME MATE! PUT YOUR BACK INTO IT--WE'VE GOT TO SHUNT _THIS_ BEFORE WE CAN GO OFF DUTY!"] * * * * * [Illustration: JUSTIN THE TERRIBLE!