Tell me, mysterious maiden, when and whence And where and wherefore and on what pretence You're "up-and-down"--this riddle rede, I pray, And rid my bosom of a care immense! Does "up" mean sky-high, "down," upon the ground? Is't on a see-saw that you bob and bound? There's more in this than meets the eye, I fear-- I cannot rest until the clue be found. Are you a damsel, too, that's in-and-out, And there-and-back, and also round-about? You may be all at once for aught I know, For all I know is clouded o'er with doubt. Pray, have you golden hair all down your back A-hanging? Is there something that you lack To play with, love, adore--as, say, a bike Whereon to travel up and down a track? What though I've never met you in the throng, I'm glad you're English-born, sixteen, and strong; Life has its ups and downs (more downs than ups), But you're a _new_ sort--hence this idle song! * * * * * JOVE'S JESTER INTERVIEWED. (_A Page of Mythology written up to Date._) The Traveller from the Earth left his balloon and trod the cloud that seemed prepared to receive him. As he did this there was a peal of laughter which echoed far and wide. "Where am I?" asked the explorer in English, for he was British-born. "You have come to the head-quarters of waggery," returned the Resident, recovering from a violent fit of merriment. "We are never dull here, we have so much to amuse us." "Indeed! And how is that?" "Why, I take a delight in effecting the most comical transformations imaginable. By the simplest means I can cause an inhabitant of the Earth to change his costume five times in as many hours. The jest is provocative of limitless mirth, especially amongst the doctors and the undertakers." "And what are the simplest means?" [Illustration] "Why, I will serve up on Monday a sun worthy of the most fiery day in an unusually sultry August. On Tuesday I will send a gale and hailstones, suggestive of the arctic regions at Yule-tide. On Wednesday I will resume the oppressive heat until streams dry up, and water rises to a premium. Then on Thursday I will cover the ground with snow, and finish up the week with a deluge." The Stranger raised his hat and answered, "The Clerk of the Weather, I presume?" "Quite so," was the immediate response. "And now you must leave me to my work, or Englishmen will have nothing to talk about." And the balloon once more continued its progress amidst a perfect salad of the elements. "Very amusing," thought the Traveller, and then he added aloud, speaking incidentally the opinion of all his countrymen, "but distinctly inconvenient!" * * * * * [Illustration: MERELY A SUGGESTION. _Mr Punch_ (_to the Shahzada_). "WOULDN'T YOUR HIGHNESS LIKE TO SEE THE NORTH POLE?"