Before leaving England I finish this book. I have seen much and would have liked to see more. It was a great disappointment to me that the Polytechnic had changed its character. It was the dream of my childhood to be present at a lecture "Illustrated with brilliant experiments." Still the British Museum was a very good substitute. Then I was pleased with the Imperial Institute, and appreciated STRAUSS'S band. Although I have yet to learn what the latter had to do with the spread of the British Dominion. And I was delighted with the State Balls and the Ascot races. I was pleased, too, with my visit to the Board School. And there seemed to be much doing in the Houses of Parliament. But what struck me most of all was the great prosperity I noticed everywhere. There is no poverty in England. All is rich. Everyone is great. There are none who are not powerful; it is marvellous, but true. I should like to return to this great country to learn a little more. I have not yet seen a paper printed. I have not dined at the table of those who are responsible for the gaiety of nations. I have not watched the manufacture of a clock. I have not examined waxworks. I have not risen in the air in a balloon, nor sunk below the level of the sea in a diving-bell. But all this pleasure can wait till I pay England a second visit. And I am pleased to find that certain places are myths, the more especially as these places were said to be "disgraces to civilization." There is no East End. There are no prisons. Poverty is a word that has become obsolete. Everyone is satisfied. A strike never happens because all Englishmen are contented. This is the lesson that I have learned at the hands of the great British Government. It is strange, but undoubtedly true, that the English nation has no "seamy side." So I leave the country of prosperous content with a salaam of heart-felt respect. And now for Paris, with its wicked distractions. I hope I may survive. In the meanwhile Britannia, Brave, Brilliant, Beautiful and Beneficial, farewell! P.S.--Always supposing I can overcome my terror of _malade de mer_. * * * * * HIGHLY PROBABLE.--For a draught of a new Irish policy the present Government is pretty sure to return to the Old Butt. * * * * * THE ELECTION PLEASANT PHRASE BOOK. (_For the use of Unpopular Candidates expected to accept attacks "good-naturedly."_) I am much obliged to you for the unsavoury egg. Pray do not apologise for breaking my arm with a stone three inches in diameter. Thanks for that pail of mud emptied over my head and hat. It is really capital fun being pelted with gravel. Never mind having smashed my dog-cart and killed the horse attached to it. Really, dodging this storm of bludgeons is the most amusing occupation imaginable. Never mind having crushed my skull, as I really wanted a chance to give a good turn to the local doctor.