_S. P._ Yes, but they're a mixed lot--this coalition. Tell me that J. C. don't know a muzzle from a butt-end! However, here's luck and rude health to all good sportsmen. _Vive le Sport!_ I'm off with the missus for a mornin' fly. Ta-ta! [_Exeunt._ * * * * * [Illustration: RATIOCINATION. _Rector._ "DUGGAN, ATTENTION! AS YOU'RE AN OLD BALACLAVA SOLDIER, I AM INCLINED TO MAKE ALLOWANCES; BUT THIS IS THE THIRD TIME I HAVE SEEN YOU UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF DRINK! HOW IS THIS?" _Sexton._ "WELL, YOU SEE, SIR, WHEN I GO DOWN TOWN, ONE FELLOW SAYS, 'DUGGAN, WILL YOU HAVE A DRINK?' AND ANOTHER SAYS THE SAME, AND I GET DRUNK WITHOUT KNOWING IT!" _Rector._ "BUT, DUGGAN, WHEN I GO DOWN TOWN, NO ONE ASKS ME TO TAKE A DRINK!" _Sexton._ "YES; BUT YOU'RE NOT NEARLY SUCH A POPULAR MAN, YOU SEE!"] * * * * * A LESSON FROM THE NEW LIZARD. (_By a Worritted One._) [The Frilled Lizard--_Chlamydosaurus Kingi_--from Roebuck Bay, Western Australia, a recent addition to the Zoo, is believed to "elevate its frill when angry or excited"; but as no power on earth seems to make it excited or angry, its frill never shows to advantage.] Oh _Chlamydosaurus!_ You spread out before us, If not your fine frill, an example! With lizards to live what a deal would one give, At least, if they're all up to sample! Oh, thing enigmatic, lethargic, lymphatic, True type of the _eadem semper_; Your finery gay you can't rightly display, For lack of that trifle--a temper! If creatures more human--especially woman-- Were like you in dress and in diet, And perfectly willing to sacrifice frilling, And other mere show-things, to quiet. 'Twould bring us all balm, for our world would be calm As though stilled by the wand of a wizard. But ladies are few who will learn at the Zoo The true secret of life--from a lizard. * * * * * New Name for the "New Woman." Unsexed, factitious, foolish, coarse, inhuman! She's not the New, she's but the "Novel" Woman. * * * * * ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.