"A loving husband and a faithful friend, Ever the first a helping hand to lend: Farewell, good-natured, honest-hearted SAM, Until we meet before the great I AM." _Pro_ BARON DE B.-W. * * * * * DIPLOMATIC INTELLIGENCE.--Mr. CHAUNCY DEPEW has arrived. On business, of course. De-pew-ted by American Government. * * * * * [Illustration: ON THE TRACK IN BATTERSEA PARK. "WHERE THERE'S A WHEEL THERE'S A WAY."] * * * * * THE LABOUR GALLIO. Bah! Politics are a bad joke. To get up steam about 'em's silly. The Tory pabulum is stale "toke," The Liberal beverage sloppy "skilly." _My_ business, whilst they storm and splutter, Is to earn beer and bread-and-butter. * * * * * THURSDAY, JULY 18. FOR TWO KNIGHTS ONLY!--Sir HENRY IRVING and _Sir John Falstaff_. Hitherto Windsor Shakspearianly associated with Merry Wives and washtubbing (with "brown Windsor") of Fat Knight. Henceforth memorable for Royal reception and dubbing (also with the best Windsor) of Thin Knight. Reported that Sir HENRY was invited to represent a Constituency! He _has_ represented two single gentlemen rolled into one, such as _Corsican Brothers_, and _Dubosc_ and _Lesurques_. But to represent a Constituency of some thousands!! No rapid act of "quickest change" could effect it. _Vive_ Sir HENRY! * * * * * "IN NUBIBUS."--WRIGHT, the convict and ex-solicitor of the Liberator Building Society, said in the course of examination at the London Bankruptcy Court that he was "formerly tenant of Cloughton Castle in Ireland. That was only a small place, but it was customary in Ireland to call almost everything a castle." Quite Wright. Home Rule is now one of these _Châteaux d' Espagne_ in Ireland, and "to let." * * * * * THE GENERAL ELECTION. Oh pity an unhappy man Reduced to desperate dejection! There's nothing happening but an Election. Eternally it worries me, Inducing cerebral affection, This never-ending topic the Election. I don't love politics, or care A pin for Liberal defection, Or if the Tories gained in their Election. Unworthy citizen, perhaps I need reproof and stern correction, Indifferent to any chap's Election. Unless I flew beyond the sea, I'm certain that in no direction Could I escape at all from the Election. For no one writes, and no one speaks, Of anything but in connection With some loquacious man who seeks Election. I try my club; though men may come And men may go, there's this objection To all alike--they talk of some Election. I go to bed; no rest for me, I'm roused by yells, with shrill inflection Of "Extry midnight speshul, the Election!" The papers, taking any side, Of any party, any section, One sort of news alike provide--Election.