The volume that rested so securely with its knowledge carefully concealed between its paper covers was _Bradshaw's Railway Guide_. * * * * * WHO WOULDN'T BE AN ALDERMAN?--I have often wished to be an Alderman, and, after reading the following extract from the _Birmingham Daily Gazette_, I have fixed upon West Bromwich as the scene of my aldermanic labours. It must be glorious to joke with such ease:-- "A WEST BROMWICH ALDERMAN'S JOKE.--Yesterday morning when the West Bromwich guardians entered the Board Room at the West Bromwich Workhouse, the blinds were all drawn, and as a consequence the room presented a very gloomy appearance. The business was about to be commenced, when Alderman R. WILLIAMS objected to the blinds being lowered. He inquired whether their lowering had a political significance, and whether the house was in mourning for the death of the Radical Government. If his assumption was true he considered they should not commence the business until the blinds were raised (_Laughter._) Two of the largest blinds were then raised, but six others were allowed to remain down." * * * * * [Illustration: THE GREAT POLITICAL COMBINATION TROUPE. S-L-SB-RY (THE STRONG MAN), B-LF-R, DUKE OF D-V-NSH-RE, AND JOE CH-MB-RL-N (THE "CLIMBING BOY").] * * * * * [Illustration: OMNISCIENCE. _Son of the House._ "I'M GOING TO OXFORD FOR A WEEK, MARY, SO MIND AND SEND MY LETTERS THERE. _YOU_ KNOW WHERE OXFORD IS?" _Mary Elizabeth Jane_ (_the smart new Parlourmaid who knows everything_). "YES, SIR. _CAMBRIDGE_, OF COURSE!"] * * * * * ROUNDABOUT READINGS. Some of us like our English short, others prefer it expanded. Some of us, for instance, might say that "NERO fiddled while Rome burnt." But this bald statement is obviously quite unsuited to the decorative instincts of the age, for in the _Daily Telegraph_, only last week, I read that "a notorious Roman Emperor is credited with the performance of a violin solo during the raging of a serious conflagration in the heart of his capital." The omission of NERO'S name gives to this sentence a delicate parliamentary flavour, which brings it absolutely up to date. * * *