WIZARD AND WITTLES.--Long life to the Glasgow Sir Walter Scott Club! It "promotes the study of Sir WALTER'S life and writings, and encourages a more familiar acquaintance with the localities rendered classic by his pen." Ninety members set off the other day to Edinburgh, and drove in four-in-hands to the "beechy grove" at Melville Castle, the Esk and DRUMMOND'S Hawthornden, and then on to the castle and chapel at Roslin. Lunch at Dalkeith, dinner at the Balmoral Hotel at Edinburgh, and back rejoicing at eventide to Glasgy, "after the happiest and most successful excursion in the history of the club." This is the way to keep up the dignity of literature. Far better than knighthoods! An excursion "under the presidency of the genial Sheriff SPENS," too; no Sheriff SAVES _this_ time; and a dinner at the Balmoral to wind up--it's a Talisman to make the heart of Midlothian leap up! * * * * * A MUSICAL TREAT. A PRONOUNCEMENT AND A HINT.--Herr NIKISCH'S performance is so brilliant, and has so much real fire in it, as to have given rise to the suggestion that, to express the _diablerie_ of his effects, both syllables of his name should be short, and that his style should be henceforward known as the "Old Nickish" manner. When the chance recurs, go and hear the symphony by TSCHAIKOWSKY. Only be prepared. To pronounce this name correctly you must take pungent snuff and sneeze violently while trying to utter the word "Whisky." Take care to have a medical man ready at hand; also a tailor, with needle, thread, and buttons. * * * * * FROM the _South Wales Daily News_:-- As Groom, Coachman, or Groom-Gardener, plain; wife good Cook; or otherwise, if required. Good references. "Or otherwise, if required," is delicious. She would be a bad cook or an indifferent one "if required." So convenient! * * * * * Half-and-Half. (_After Reading some recent Political Speeches._) Although in the queer Party story There's many a turn, and many a twist; _'Tis_ strange to see JOSEPH half Tory, And SALISBURY half Socialist! * * * * * ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY M.P. [Illustration: Jesse, the Pilot-Engine, clears the Line!]