[_Exeunt_ CORIOLANUS _and_ AUFIDIUS. * * * * * TOBY'S MEM.--_Wednesday, July 3._--"Dog Days begin." Go down to coast. "My bark is on the sea!" Avoid going south for fear of the Muzzle-man. * * * * * [Illustration: IN THE SHADE. _Lord R-s-b-ry._ "WHO'D BE A MINISTER?" _Sir W. V. H-rc-rt._ "WHO, INDEED? WHY I WOULDN'T DO IT IF _THEY ASKED_ ME!"] * * * * * [Illustration: HOW ROMANTIC! _She._ "I SAY, _THIS_ IS PRETTY AWFUL! POOR LITTLE MISS MESSUP!--IT SAYS HERE THAT 'SHORTLY AFTER THE WEDDING SHE DISCOVERED HE WASN'T REALLY A BARON!'" _He._ "WELL. THINK OF THE POOR JOHNNY WHEN _HE_ FOUND OUT SHE WASN'T REALLY AN HEIRESS!"] * * * * * THE CANDIDATE'S VADE MECUM. _Question._ Why do you desire to enter the House of Commons? _Answer._ Because, if I am honoured by my fellow-men by being chosen to represent them, it is my ambition to serve them faithfully and maintain in all its glorious integrity the time-honoured heritage of this mighty empire. _Q._ Yes, so you have said in your address to the electors; but have you no other reason for wishing to occupy a seat in Parliament? _A._ Certainly. The prestige bestowed by the letters "M.P." is pleasing, and if the honour ultimately culminates in a baronetcy or a knighthood the distinction will be gratifying to my wife. _Q._ Then you would not be adverse to receiving promotion in the line to which you have referred? _A._ No; because I should consider that I acted merely as a trustee to my constituents--that I, in fact, appeared in the character of their personal representative. _Q._ Yes, you said something of the sort the other evening at a canvassing meeting in reply to a question put to you by one of your voters; but surely the decoration would be desirable for some other consideration? _A._ It undoubtedly would have a certain market value in the City in the eyes of promoters of public companies of limited liability. _Q._ What measures have you taken to secure election beyond issuing the very admirable address to which I have, more than once, referred? _A._ For the last two or three years I have assiduously nursed the constituency. _Q._ What do you mean by nursing a constituency? _A._ Obtaining a stake in the shape of land and a house in the division, and making myself generally popular amongst my fellow-ratepayers. _Q._ How can you become popular? _A._ By subscribing largely to local charities and institutions, laying foundation stones, and opening fancy bazaars with untiring energy. _Q._ What considerations weigh with you when you are invited to add your name to a subscription-list?