_Shop Girl_ (_tartly_). I say, you speak for yerself, Mother MATTHEWS. Of course, that means refinement in _dress_, and--well we don't _all_ wear a pancake 'at with a 'aporth o' green feathers dobbed on to it! (_Sniffs, and adjusts her own "high-up" hat with ambitious "hortridge" plumes._) _Workman's Wife_ (_sharply_). Now look you 'ere, Miss STUCKUP, if I 'adn't more "refinement" in my little finger than wot you 'ave in your 'ole five foot nothink, my old man 'ud swop me off for a ragman's black doll, 'e would, so there! _Voice from the Bar._ Now then lydies, a _leetle_ less noise there _if_ you please! _Sempstress._ I see here's another talks of "Home Life," and another of the "Morals of Money Spending." _Workman's Wife._ Haw! haw! haw! Morals o' money spending, indeed! If these 'ere torky lydies 'ad got as little money to spend as _we_ 'ave, and as many mouths to fill with it, 'tisn't the _morals_ on it as 'ud trouble 'em. When the wealthy 'uns begin to patter of morals to us poor trash, they mostly mean _meanness_, I reckon. _Young Machinist._ Right you are, Mrs. MATTHEWS! _Sempstress_ (_sadly_). And as to "Home Life,"--ah! how many of them know that to some of us it only means a painful "Home _Death_?" _Laundress._ Oh, come, I sy, Miss MIVVENS, you'll give us all the 'orrors if you tork like that! While there's life--_and_ liquor--there's 'ope, _I_ sez. So let's 'ave another kind love all round, and then we must see about---- _Sempstress._ "Home Life" and the "Ethics of Work" again, as the "Women Workers" say at Nottingham. _Workman's Wife._ But not in the New Cut--no fear! _Voice from the Bar._ Now then, time, gentlemen, please! _Exeunt._ * * * * * THE CYCLE AND THE CAMERA. The Cycle and the Camera Were resting side by side, When suddenly the Cycle ask'd, "Why is it you don't ride?" "Why _not?_" exclaim'd the Camera, Taking a secret "shot." "To do so is considered As easy just as 'pot.'" "But now I come to think again," The Cycle cried, "I guess, Although the notion isn't bad, I like it less and less. "You see, of reputation I Have still a _little_ left. And if I went about with you, Of _all_ I'd be bereft. "Of 'spoony' folk you are the dread; You '_take them_' reckless-lee; You 'spot' the spouse delinquent when He's out upon the spree. "In fact you do a _heap_ of things You ought to leave undone." The Cam'ra murmur'd musingly, "I have a _heap_ of fun!" * * * * * "AN EMPIRESARIO."--Mr. GEORGE EDWARDES. * * * * * [Illustration: THE MARKIS O' S-L-SB-RY, AS NEW LORD WARDEN OF CINQUE PORTS, REVIEWS FORCES AVAILABLE FOR DEFENCE. WALMER, OCTOBER, 1895.] * * * * * "THE 'PINERIAN' SPRING" AT THE COMEDY.