[_They "scatter for a time," and reassemble._ _5th M._ Lucky I overhauled my department. If I hadn't you wouldn't have been able to move the troops a dozen yards. _1st M._ But is it all right now? Equipment, ammunition, transport? Are you all right? _Chorus._ Yes, Sir. _1st M._ (_through telephone_). Quick, march! [_The troops are moved._ OLD STYLE--IN THE PAST. SCENE--_Anywhere in front of an Army._ _Commander-in-Chief._ I vouch for everything! I have only to give the word of command. Quick, march! [_The troops are moved._ * * * * * THE JOLLY YOUNG WATERMAN. (_Up to Date._) And did you not hear of the East London Watermen, Who our requirements failed to supply, If the weather was hot or was cold in severity Their pipes and their cisterns were equally dry. In cold or in heat they charged as steadily, But water to drink we couldn't get readily; Yet water or none, with an impudent air, They charged all the same, and it didn't seem fair. What sights of distress there were seen in the district, Its drains were unflushed, and were tainted withal, (There was always a cause--some "Progressive" obstruction,) But the party supporting them grew very small; And often would there be both swearing and sneering, But 'twas all one to them the complaining and jeering; For cursing and praying they little did care-- But charged us for water--it didn't seem fair. But, only to fancy how strangely things happen, While rates were collected for nothing at all, The Government Board held a special inquiry, Which sat for a while in the Hackney Town Hall. And should this report (to the Company's sorrow) Be issued to-day, next month, or to-morrow, The East London Company'd better take care-- As charging for nothing is scarcely quite fair. * * * * * NO JOE-K.--A Tory "of the old school" has adapted the well-known Virgilian hexameter thus:--CH-MB-RL-N _væ miseræ nimium vicina Carltonæ_! * * * * * WRECKS AND CASUALTIES.--The barque _Metropolitan Improvements_ stranded on the County Council Sands. * * * * * SKETCHES FROM SCOTLAND. AT THE DRUMQUHIDDER HIGHLAND GATHERING. SCENE--_A meadow near Drumquhidder, South Perthshire, where the annual Highland Games are being held. The programme being a long one, there are generally three events being contested in various parts of the ground at the same time. On the benches immediately below the Grand Stand are seated two Drumquhidder worthies_, Mr. PARRITCH _and_ Mr. HAVERS, _with_ Mrs. MCTAVISH _and her niece, two acquaintances from Glasgow, to whom they are endeavouring--not altogether successfully--to make themselves agreeable_.