Bike, bike, bike, _Mr. Punch_ says, oh C. T. C. And the tender grace of a term that is dead Will never come back to me! * * * * * TO SQUIRE PUNCH.--SIR,--I don't quite know how to spell the gentleman's names, whether its "TYCHO" or "TYKEO BRAHE," but, anyhow, he was a sharp chap, and all I want to learn for certain is, was he one of the good old genuine "Tykes," and a Yorkshireman? Yours, JOHN BROWDIE'S GRANDNEPHEW. * * * * * [Illustration: THE LATEST LITERARY SUCCESS. "THE WOMAN WHO WANTED TO."] * * * * * A ROMANCE OF THE FUTURE. CHAPTER I. The great reform had been effected. Thanks to the Matrimonial Tripos Act, passed a few years previously, it was no longer left to blind chance to decide what women should receive the privileges of matrimony. All those who aspired to them had to enter for the Tripos held once a year under the supervision of the State, and to pass a rigorous examination in Household Arithmetic, Domestic Economy, Etiquette, and other subjects. Only those who obtained a first class were allowed to marry noblemen or millionaires, those who got a second might mate with a peer's younger son or a baronet, while those hapless ones who failed to get a third were absolutely prohibited from matrimony, although occasionally one or two who narrowly missed taking honours were allowed a detrimental by the examiners. And no maiden was permitted to enter for the examination more than three times in all. It was the knowledge of this last fact which cast a shade of troubled anxiety upon the faces of STREPHON SMITH and AMARYLLIS JONES as they paced up and down the garden on the eve of the annual examination. Their engagement had been a long one, for twice had AMARYLLIS entered for the Tripos, and twice had been hopelessly ploughed. Should she fail once more on the morrow---- "Nay, my AMARYLLIS," cried the faithful STREPHON, "look not so downcast. Failure? it is impossible! Have not I coached you carefully in all the subjects? Come, repeat once more, to give you confidence, the formulæ of poultry-rearing." AMARYLLIS smiled sadly. "It is unnecessary," she replied; "I remember them well. And yet my mind misgives me. Should that hateful MELIBOEUS BROWN foil us once again----" "Speak not his name!" exclaimed STREPHON, grinding his teeth. "True that he has vowed that we shall never marry; true that at your first attempt, under the mask of friendship, he inscribed all the wrong dates upon your dainty cuff, while on the next occasion he bribed the candidates sitting next to you to jog your elbow and to upset the ink over your papers; but on this occasion he will be powerless. With the knowledge which, thanks to my assiduous coaching, you now possess, you are certain to pass. A month hence, my AMARYLLIS, and we shall be wedded."