The annual "Timmer" Market, or Timber Fair, has been waking the echoes of sober Aberdeen "with lively din." The Aberdonian youth, so says the _Daily Free Press_, "shook the nerves of peace-loving citizens by the hideous and discordant noise of tin trumpets and corncrakes." This is odd, for one might imagine that the Caledonian ear, which attunes itself so easily, willingly, and often to the screeches of that national instrument of torture the bagpipe, would hail the comparatively soothing strains of tin trumpet and corncrake with eager enthusiasm. Not so, however. For the "bra' laddie" the _only_ music is that which is emitted by the bagpipe. It appeals to his delicate artistic sense, and, like a much advertised remedy, "it touches the spot." _Vive la bag(pipe)atelle!_ * * * * * ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P. [Illustration: When in doubt, consult the Cap'en.] _House of Commons, Monday, September 2._--A sight for Lords and Commons to see Lord High Admiral JOKIM seated between Cap'en TOMMY BOWLES and ARNOLD-FORSTER, imbibing naval information at the pores, as _Joey Ladle_, in far-off-days, deep in the recesses of his employer's cellar, took his spirituous refreshment. "How happy could I be with either were t'other instructor away," said JOKIM, rubbing his pleased sides with rapturous content. "Or, happier still," he added, _sotto voce_, "if both would take themselves off." In his secret heart the CAP'EN looks upon ARNOLD-FORSTER as a landlubber. "He wouldn't," he says, with fine scorn, "know how to belay a sheet when a ship was stepping fore and aft under a booming north-wester. I'd lay a rope's end to a bumboat-man's back that he couldn't pass a spare spar through the man-hole without first pulling up the trysail." ARNOLD-FORSTER, on his part, suspects the CAP'EN hasn't seen nearly so much of the wild ocean as casual observations dropped by him may indicate. He makes much of certain variations in the old salt's story of how he came to lose his hand in the service of his country. There is, certainly, some doubt as to whether it was the Prince Consort or ALBERT Prince of Wales who sent him that famous letter accompanying the hook which at this day enables the CAP'EN to overhaul the estimates. But this is due rather to wealth of experience than to poverty of veracity. When a man has seen everything, gone so far, and knows so much as TOMMY, he may be forgiven if occasionally he mixes up a name or two, a date, or an episode.