I was asking the waiter to clean my boots, and not for information concerning the strength of the garrison. I was not aware that the place had been declared a naval port, and was therefore sacred from foreign invasion. As a matter of fact, I was not searching for torpedoes, but only taking a sea bath. I was as innocent in thought and intention as a _baigneuse_ at Margate. [Illustration] I am sorry that it has been necessary to confiscate my Gladstone bag, as it contains my linen and toilet requisites. Certainly my bath sponge is not an explosive. The programme of _Cheer, Boys, Cheer_, which is said to have been found in my bag, is of no political significance. It certainly was not intended to create a riot at Moscow. It surely is unnecessary to cover me with chains. I really must protest against being detained in a dungeon three feet square, in lieu of occupying a comfortable room in the hotel _au troisième_. It seems to me harsh treatment to deprive me of all my goods and chattels, and then refuse to allow me to communicate with the British Ambassador. Well, of course, if I must go I must, and I suppose I ought to thank you for securing my ticket. But surely you have made a mistake. I wished a ticket for Hampstead. Very sorry that you should tell me that _you_ are right----from this I gather I am booked (without appeal) to Siberia! End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch or the London Charivari, Vol. 109, September 28, 1895, by Various