PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. VOL. 109. SEPTEMBER 7, 1895. THAT POOR PENNY DREADFUL! ["Is the 'Penny Dreadful' and its influence so very dreadful, I wonder?"--JAMES PAYN.] Alas! for the poor "Penny Dreadful"! They say if a boy gets his head-full Of terrors and crimes, _He_ turns pirate--sometimes; Or of horrors, at least, goes to bed full. Now _is_ this according to Cocker? Of Beaks one would not be a mocker, But _do_ many lads Turn thieves or foot-pads, Through reading the cheap weekly Shocker? Such literature is _not_ healthy; But _does_ it make urchins turn stealthy Depleters of tills, Destroyers of wills, Or robbers of relatives wealthy? I have gloated o'er many a duel, I've heard of DON PEDRO the Cruel: Heart pulsing at high rate, I've read how my Pirate Gave innocent parties their gruel. Yet I have ne'er felt a yearning For stabbing, or robbing, or burning. No highwayman clever And handsome, has ever Induced _me_ to take the wrong turning! A lad who's a natural "villing," When reading of robbing and killing _May_ feel wish to do so; But SHEPPARD--like CRUSOE-- To your average boy's only "thrilling." Ah! thousands on Shockers have fed full, And yet _not_ of crimes got a head-full. Let us put down the vile, Yet endeavour the while, To be _just_ to the poor "Penny Dreadful"! * * * * * [Illustration: EVIDENT. _George._ "EH--HE'S A BIG 'UN; AIN'T HE, JACK?" _Minister_ (_overhearing_). "YES, MY LAD; BUT IT'S NOT WITH EATING AND DRINKING!" _Jack._ "I'LL LAY IT'S NOT ALL WI' FASTIN' AN' PRAYIN'!"] * * * * * FOR WHEEL OR WOE. The Rural District Council at Chester resolved recently to station men on the main roads leading into the city to count the number of cyclists, with a view to estimating what revenue would accrue from a cycle tax. Extremely high and public-spirited of the Chester authorities to take the matter up. These dwellers by the Dee ought to adopt as their motto, "The wheel has come full cycle." * * * * * "WHO IS SYLVIA?"--An opera, from the pen of Dr. JOSEPH PARRY, the famous Welsh composer, entitled _Sylvia_, has been successfully produced at the Cardiff Theatre Royal. The _libretto_ is by Mr. FLETCHER and Mr. MENDELSSOHN PARRY, the _maestro's_ son, so that the entire production is quite _parry-mutuel_. * * * * * THE RAILWAY RACE. [Illustration]