Punch or the London Charivari, Vol. 109, September 7, 1895Various
General
Punch or the London Charivari, Vol. 109, September 7, 1895
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
Among such grandeur, artist, rest--
To imitate it at thy best;
For should some beauty fall to ground,
Thy picture has it, safe and sound.
* * * * *
From the _Fishing Gazette_ I take the following story:--
Last spring, while a party of tourists were fishing up North, a
well-known lawyer lost his gold watch from the boat in which he was
sitting. Last week he made another visit to the lakes, and during
the first day's sport caught an 8lb. trout. His astonishment can be
imagined when he found the watch lodged in the throat of the trout. The
watch was running, and the time correct. It being a "stem winder," the
supposition is that, in masticating its food, the fish wound up the
watch daily.
[Illustration]
I happen to know that this story is incomplete, and I venture to
add some missing details. The fish--a particularly thoughtful
animal--finding that there was no chain to the watch, resolved to
supply this defect, and, by a well-known process in metallurgy,
converted some of its scales into a complete Albert, which it connected
with the watch. The watch used to lose two minutes a week. With
admirable patience the fish regulated it, and restored it to its owner
in perfectly accurate trim. When it was originally lost the watch
was a simple one. It has now become a repeater, with a special dial
indicating the days of the week, the month, and the year A.D. By a
trick, learnt from a fried whiting in early life this trout contrived
every day to insert its tail into its mouth, and, by using it as a
brush, to keep the watch clean, and free from rust. When the fish had
been boiled and eaten, the watch stopped, out of sympathy, and has not
gone since.
* * * * *
[Illustration: A SOLILOQUY.
_Generous Dealer_ (_examining ring_). "HE ASKS TWENTY. HE THINKS HE'LL
GET EIGHTEEN. IT'S WORTH SIXTEEN. I'LL GIVE FOURTEEN. HE PAID TWELVE.
I'LL OFFER TEN!"]
* * * * *
A CRY FROM CHICAGO.
Better fifty years of Europe
Than a cycle of Porkopolis!
Freedom's shackled with a new rope
In Mock-Modesty's metropolis.
Ladies--aye and men--in tights
To Chicago prudes proves shockers;
So they limit wheelman rights
By forbidding--knickerbockers!
Nay, the manly human calf
To these Aldermen's so shocking,
They prohibit--do not laugh!--
All display of--the male--stocking!!
We must don a costume baggy
From the throat unto the ankles;
Something stuffy, chokey, draggy!
Yah! In freemen's hearts it rankles
This restriction. Don't let's heed 'em!
If they bother thus our biking.
Ho! for Battersea and freedom!
Cyclists of Chicago, striking,
Like their sires for Independence,
'Gainst the prigs our wheel-rights blocking,
Claim, in all their old resplendence,
Knicker free and liberal stocking!
* * * * *
MUSIC MINUS CHARMS.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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