And soon is an ending of football rushes, The hold that tackles a travelling heel; And the front of the town with new fire flushes, The paints that follow the paints that peel; And the season comes with its gauds and gold When the amorous plaints once more are told, And the polished hoof of her partner crushes The damsel's shoes in the ballroom reel. And _The Times_ by day and _The News_ by night, Fleeter of foot than the Fleet Street kid, Shall hurry in motor-cars left and right Saying what Kent and Yorkshire did; And, stout as pillars of marble set, The copper shall capture the suffragette, And screen from peril and heave from sight The maid pursuing, the Minister hid. The P.C. comes with his maenad haul, Her hatbrim tilted across her eyes; The cricketer dips to the flying ball, His white pants billowing round his thighs; But thou, _Charivari_, week by week Remaining (I take it) quite unique, Shalt shake with laughter and pink them all With points that puncture the vogue that flies. EVOE. * * * * * [Illustration: "THERE'S MANY A SLIP ..."] [Illustration: AT THE DRESS REHEARSAL OF THE NEW COMIC OPERA, "RESIGNATION" (AS PLAYED TWICE WEEKLY.) _Seelius._ "I am undone!" [_Thrusts sword beneath armpit and expires._ _Actor-Manager._ "Capital! But try, if possible, to make it just a _leetle_ more convincing."] * * * * * ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. (EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.) _House of Commons, Monday, March 23._--In arrangement for business of week to-day set apart for discussion of Naval Estimates. That meant a problematically useful, indubitably dull debate. As has been remarked before, it is the unexpected that happens in House of Commons. Since it adjourned on Friday portentous news came from Ireland, indicating something like revolt among officers of the Army stationed there for avowed purpose of backing up civil force in preservation of peace and order. Wholesale resignations reported. The very existence of the Army seemed at stake. Had mere business, such as the voting of over L50,000,000 for upkeep of Navy, been to the fore, benches would have been half empty. As it was, they were thronged. Over the crowded assembly hurtled that indescribable buzz of excitement that presages eventful action. The PREMIER and LEADER OF OPPOSITION appearing on the scene were severally greeted with strident cheers from their followers. PRINCE ARTHUR, the Dropped Pilot, at urgent entreaty returning to the old ship in time of emergency, enjoyed unique distinction of being cheered by both sides. Demonstration more eloquent than ordered speech.