A contemporary describes the production, _Splash Me_, which was presented at the Palladium last week, as "a Water Revue." The correct expression is surely "Naval Revue"? * * * Messrs. WEEKES AND CO. have published a "Song of the Aeroplane," and we suspect that all concerned in this venture are terrified lest some clumsy critic shall say, "Merely to hear this song makes one want to fly." * * * It is sometimes asked, Are we a musical nation? It is possible, of course, that we are, but last week we were informed by an advertisement that "the greatest song success of the season" is entitled "Popsy Wopsy." * * * A Mr. SNOOKS attained his 100th birthday last week. So much for those who say that ridicule kills! * * * Thetford (Norfolk) Corporation have decided to pay their mayor a salary of L20 in future "owing to the heavy financial drain on his pocket." We think it should have been removed and the cost charged to drainage expenses. * * * The coat-of-arms provided for the Metropolitan Asylum Board includes a red cross, the golden staff of AESCULAPIUS, an eagle, a dragon, and red and white roses. It sounds a mad enough medley. * * * Answer to a correspondent: No, _Wild Life_ is not an organ of the Militants. * * * * * [Illustration: _Our Futurist Pygmalion (on seeing his Galatea come to life)._ "OH, WHY DIDN'T I REMAIN AN IDEALIST?"] * * * * * THE NEXT OF THE DANDIES. (_According to our daily paper, sloppy untidiness is to be the fashion this year._) I've jibed at Dame Fashion for many a year, Jibed bitterly rather than gaily; And over the follies of feminine wear I indulged in a diatribe daily; But now I must sing in a different strain And praise with a penitent vigour The kindness by which she was moved to ordain Untidiness strictly _de rigueur_. Though man from her fetters is commonly loose (For he has the pluck to withstand her), I take it that what is correct for the goose Will not be amiss for the gander; And I have a suit that for comfort and ease I'd always elect to be dressed in; The trousers have dear little bags where my knees Have made them a corner to nest in. The sleeves of the coat are all frayed at the end, The seams of the waistcoat have "started," But I have a weakness for elderly friends, And now we need never be parted; No more when I wear it shall people esteem The bardlet in need of compassion; They'll merely consider him rather extreme In his fervent devotion to Fashion. * * * * * "BOLTON W. 1, MANCHESTER C. 0. BOLTON WAN. 1, MANCHES. C. 0." _Sunderland Daily Echo._ It is still a little obscure, but "B. Wanderers 1, M. City 0" would bring it home to everybody. * * * * * THE SPIRIT OF ULSTER AND THE ARMY.