"Well, to make the story short, the oojoobwa followed Egbert to the very edge of the pond, the picture of perplexity; and when my little friend finally dived in he lay there with his head over the edge of the bank, staring into the water for quite ten minutes. Then he turned, shook his head despairingly, and wriggled into the bushes, still thinking hard. And a little while later I saw Egbert's head appear cautiously over the side of the pond, the stick still in his mouth. He looked round to see that the coast was clear, and then came hopping up to me and laid the stick at my feet. And, strong man as I was, I broke down and cried like a child." * * * * * From a revue poster at Birmingham:-- "I DO LIKE YOUR EYES RECORD CAST." We dislike that kind. * * * * * [Illustration: AFTER CLOSING HOURS. RESTAURANT PROPRIETOR. "ANOTHER OF THESE NIGHT CLUBS! THEY'LL BE THE RUIN OF ME."] * * * * * [Illustration: OUR BOYS. _Nephew (at preparatory school, to departing uncle)._ "WELL, GOOD-BYE, UNCLE. AWF'LY GOOD OF YOU TO COME OVER--AND, I SAY, I HOPE YOU BACKED OUTRAM FOR THE LINCOLNSHIRE?" _Uncle._ "UNFORTUNATELY, MY BOY, I WASN'T ON IT." _Nephew._ "YOU WEREN'T? WHY, WE WERE ALL ON IT HERE!"] * * * * * A PEACE-PRESERVATION ACT. Whereas _Mr. Punch_ has observed to his deep grief and chagrin that political ill-feeling in Great Britain has increased, is increasing and ought to be diminished, be it enacted-- (1) That no morning, evening or weekly paper be allowed to print anything on its placard save one of these three phrases: "All the Winners," "Tips for To-day," or "Latest Football"; providing that nothing in this Act shall prevent _The Daily News and Leader_ from substituting "Latest Free Church News" for "Tips for To-day." (2) That no newspaper be allowed to announce more than one political crisis per week under a penalty of L1,000 for each and every subsequent crisis announced. (3) That Mr. T. P. O'CONNOR be appointed grand political censor, and that all descriptive expressions intended to be applied by people to their political opponents be submitted to him, to ensure that such phrases are properly saponaceous. (4) That six prominent fire-brands in each Party be deported to Saint Helena, and that they be chosen by ballot in this wise--the Liberals will select the Tories, the Tories the Liberals, the O'Brienites the Nationalists, and the Nationalists the O'Brienites. The Labour Party, being specially qualified for the task, will select six of its own body for deportation; and nothing in this Act is to hinder Mr. WEDGWOOD from deporting himself if he thinks it needful.