To calculate even roughly the final total of counsels' fees was no easy sum to be done on the fingers. After wrestling with it a little, the tramp leant back and puffed hard at his pipe--so hard that the sparks flew and the smoke became thick around him--so thick that "Bless my soul," said the tramp, rising hurriedly, "there's another stack I've been and gone and set afire!" A tramp, a mere tramp going about the country and setting fire to stacks, is not even he to be reckoned with in the order of things? * * * * * [Illustration: _Professor (to novice during his first lesson)._ "WHAT ON EARTH ARE YER DOIN' OVER THERE? YER KNOW YOU'LL 'AVE TO COME AN' DO A BIT OF IN-FIGHTING IF YER WANT TO FIND MY WEAK SPOT."] * * * * * APRIL FOR THE EPICURE. (_An effort to emulate the gustatory enthusiasm of "The P.M.G."_) April, though regarded as somewhat suspect by meteorologists, appeals with a peculiar force to gastronomic experts, owing to the number of delicacies associated with the month. FISH. Oysters, like the poor, are still with us, but only till the end of the month; hence, ostreophils should make the most of their opportunities. But, besides the "king of crustaceans," as Colonel NEWNHAM-DAVIS happily termed the oyster, the sea provides us with a quantity of other succulent denizens of the deep. Foremost among these is the turbot; a fish held in high honour since the time of the Roman emperors. Nor must we omit honourable mention of lobster, whitebait, mullet and eels. It is true that some people have an insuperable aversion from eels, but it is the mark of the enlightened feeder to conquer these prejudices. Besides, no one is asked to eat conger-eel at the best houses. MEAT. Beef, mutton and pork are in good condition, or, if they are not, they ought to be. But the ways of the animal world are inscrutable, especially pigs. Lambs, again, show a strange want of consideration for the consumer, for, though April 12th is called "Lamb and Gooseberry-Pie Day," lamb, like veal, is dear just now and shows no signs of becoming less expensive. This is one of the things which independent back-bench Members should ask a question about in the House of Commons, or, failing that, they might write to _The Times_. VERDANT STUFF. Lovers of salads should now be conscious of a pleasing titillation, for this is the green season _par excellence_. Watercress is at its cressiest; and lettuce springs from the earth for no other reason than to invite the attentions of those two culinary modistes, oil and vinegar--the Paquins of the kitchen--and so be "dressed", with highest elegance. _LES PETITS OISEAUX._