"'Matter?' I said. 'Look at the sun. The court-martial distinctly said that I was to be shot at sunrise. Do you call this sunrise? It must be nearly lunch-time.' "'It's not our fault,' said the firing-party. 'We came to your cell all right, but you wouldn't get up. You told us to leave it on the mat.' "I did remember then having heard someone fussing about outside my cell door. "'That's neither here nor there,' I said firmly. 'It was your business to shoot me at sunrise, and you haven't done it. I claim a re-trial on a technicality.' "Well, they stormed and blustered, but I was adamant; and in the end they had to take me back to my cell to be tried again. I was condemned to be shot at sunrise next morning, and they went to the trouble of giving me an alarm clock and setting it for 3 A.M. "But at about eleven o'clock that night there was another revolution. Some revolutionaries revolted against the revolutionaries who had revolted against the revolutionaries who had revolted against the Government, and, having re-re-corrupted the standing army, they swept all before them, and at about midnight I was set free. I recall that the new President kissed me on both cheeks and called me the saviour of his country. Poor fellow, there was another revolution next day, and, being a confirmed early riser, he got up in time to be shot at sunrise." Uncle James sighed, possibly with regret, but more probably with happiness, for at this moment they brought in his breakfast. * * * * * [Illustration: _Pavement Artist_ (_who has not yet recovered the nerve which he lost on hearing of the attack upon the VELASQUEZ Venus_). "PASS ALONG THEM COVERS, GEORGE--THE SUFFRAGETTES IS COMING."] * * * * * "It would be amusing, if it were not athletic, to read that this satirist who ridiculed sentiment made himself ridiculous by falling violently in love with a young girl of eighteen." _Winnipeg Telegram._ He who runs may read--but apparently he mustn't be amused. * * * * * "It is known the play is in three acts and nine scenes, and that there is an exceptionally long cast, but beyond that the strictest scenery is being preserved."--_Birmingham Daily Mail._ Which will be good news for Mr. GORDON CRAIG. * * * * * GRUB STREET GOSSIP. (_By our Special Parasitic Penman._)