_The Times_ has published an indictment of the London plane-tree as a disseminator of disease. Nervous folk, however, may like to know that, if they stay indoors with their windows closed and with a towel fastened across the mouth and nose, they will run comparatively little risk from this source. * * * _The Express_ is offering prizes to its readers with a view to ascertaining which is the best-looking animal in the Zoo, and which is the ugliest. It is, of course, no affair of ours, but we think it would be a graceful and humane act on the part of our contemporary to give a consolation prize to the poor beast adjudged to be the ugliest. * * * Meanwhile, in view of this competition, the wart-hog would be glad to hear of a really reliable cure for warts. * * * A thrush has built its nest and laid three eggs at the junction of two scaffold poles where between fifty and sixty men are working on a new building at Northampton. The kind-hearted labourers were, we understand, willing to work quietly and slowly in order not to disturb the young mother, but were over-ridden by the foremen. * * * What is described as a "Racegoers' Luncheon Palace" is being erected next to the Epsom Grand Stand. The new building will, we are informed, have fireproof floors and staircases. These will no doubt be duly tested by the Militants. * * * It is rumoured that such is the success of _The Melting Pot_ that Mr. ZANGWILL has been approached by more than one manager with flattering proposals. Mr. ZANGWILL, however, is not to be rushed, and it is extremely unlikely that we shall have him turning out Melting Pot-Boilers. * * * The punishment does sometimes fit the crime. An individual who for some months past specialised in thefts of clocks was last week given time. * * * "A Blackburn platelayer," it is stated, "who has just died at the age of seventy, left L400, which he had accumulated out of his small earnings. He was a bachelor." Married women consider this a marvellous achievement in view of the fact that the man had no wife to help him. * * * At last it looks as if something is going to be done for golfers, whose language, it is rumoured, occasionally leaves so much to be desired. The Rector of Frinton has undertaken to consider a suggestion that a special service for golfers shall be held at nine o'clock on Sunday mornings. * * * * * [Illustration: THE OPENING OF THE SEASON. "NAH THEN, 'ERBERT, WE'RE IN 'YDE PARK. PULL UP YER SOCKS AN' LOOK SMART."] * * * * * Another "Daily Mail" Record. "'How beautiful,' said the Queen as she passed me." We congratulate _The Daily Mail's_ Special Paris Correspondent (author of the above passage), on the tribute paid to him by Her Majesty. * * * * * The Rivals. Two posters in Torquay:-- "FLYING AT PAIGNTON BY MONSIEUR SALMET."