"The two-shilling ones," I repeated, with emphasis on the price. Hang it, how slow he was. Still he said nothing. "So much better than the old yellowbacks at that figure," I said. He was, if anything, more silent. Clearly I must plunge. "Who is your favourite writer?" I demanded, point-blank. "I haven't got such a thing," he said. Here's a strange thing, I thought. I suppose he's one of those mechanical readers who go through a book as a kind of dutiful pastime and never even notice the author's name. "But you read a lot?" I suggested. "Me? Good gracious, no," he said. "I don't read a book from one year's end to the other. Papers--oh, yes; but not books." I was staggered. "But I thought," I said, "that I heard you say a little while ago that you never bought fewer than three two-shilling books a week, and sometimes more?" His purple took on a darker richer shade, which I subsequently discovered indicated the approach of mirth. He began to make strange noises, which in time I found meant laughter. For a while he gave himself up to chromatic rumblings. At last, able to speak, he replied to me. "So I did say," he said; "so I did say I bought three two-shilling books a week. But not books to read"--here he became momentarily inarticulate again--"not books to read, but those little two-shilling books of stamps in red covers that you get at the post-office. I don't know where I should be without them." Shade of CARNEGIE! * * * * * [Illustration: _Injured Party (who has just been turned out of a public-house, explaining his little grievance_). "NOW, WHAT D'YOU SHAY, CONSHABLE? D'YOU THINK I'M INTOXICATED?" _Constable._ "YES, I SHOULD CERTAINLY SAY YOU WERE." _Injured Party._ "WELL, I'M QUITE WILLING TO BE _ANALYSED_."] * * * * * Musical Criticism. "Sir John French had stultified himself singing the order."--_Irish Independent._ Personally we sing it over to ourselves in the bath every morning--all except the last two paragraphs. * * * * * Messrs. BELL quote the following appreciative notice of one of their spelling books:-- "The spelling exercises, largely alliterative--e.g., 'A Beach-tree, a sandy beach'--are quite attractive, and once in the mind remain there."--_School Guardian._ This attractive way of spelling "beech-tree" will not, we hope, remain indefinitely in the minds of our readers. * * * * * [Illustration: _First Clubman._ "WELL, HOW ARE YOU?" _Second Clubman._ "ER--SO-SO, PERHAPS. LAST WEEK I THOUGHT I WAS IN FOR RHEUMATIC FEVER, BUT JUST MANAGED TO STAVE IT OFF, AND TO-DAY A TWINGE IN MY LEFT SHOULDER SUGGESTS--WELL, IT MAY BE NEURITIS OR----" _First Clubman._ "MY DEAR CHAP, I DIDN'T MEAN IT _LITERALLY_."] * * * * * LIBERALS DAY BY DAY.