Pantomimes may be divided into those of a distinctly Oriental origin and _milieu_ and those which are either associated with Occidental localities or with none in particular. For convenience we may divide them broadly and loosely into Oriental and Non-Oriental Pantomimes. Very well, then. I.--Oriental. A. With a ship (_Sinbad the Sailor_). B. Without a ship. (a) With a cave. (1) Password to cave, "Open Sesame" (_The Forty Thieves_). (2) Password to cave, "Abracadabra" (_Aladdin_). (b) Without a cave (_Bluebeard_). II.--Non-Oriental. A. With a ship. (a) With a cat (_Dick Whittington_). (b) Without a cat (_Robinson Crusoe_). B. Without a ship. (a) With a giant. (1) With a cat (_Puss-in-Boots_). (2) Without a cat. (i.) With a bean-stalk (_Jack and the Beanstalk_). (ii.) Without a beanstalk (_Jack the Giant-Killer_). (b) Without a giant: (1) With animals: sheep (_Bo-Peep_); wolf (_Little Red Riding-Hood_); goose (_Mother Goose_); uncertain (_Beauty and the Beast_); two children (_The Babes in the Wood_). (2) Without animals. (i.) With footgear: shoes (_Goody Two-Shoes_); slippers (_Cinderella_). (ii.) No particular footgear. (a) With a "Jack" (_Jack and Jill, Little Jack Horner, The House that Jack Built_). (b) Without a "Jack" (The Sleeping Beauty). * * * * * Notice on a suite of furniture:-- "Monthly payments 12/6. They will last a lifetime." Help! * * * * * ONE OF US--NOW. [Illustration: The Old Postmaster-General (_to the New Postmaster-General_). "THAT YOU, HOBHOUSE? I'VE BEEN TRYING TO GET THROUGH TO YOU ON THIS INFERNAL TELEPHONE FOR THE LAST HALF-HOUR. I WANT TO CONGRATULATE YOU ON BEING APPOINTED TO A DEPARTMENT WHICH I LEFT IN A STATE OF PERFECT EFFICIENCY.] * * * * * [Illustration: _Fair Yankee_ (_who, on her first visit to England, has been told how extremely obliging the London policeman is_). "Say, would you vurry kindly do up my shoe-string?"] * * * * * "CINES" OF THE TIMES. (_A far-away Project of educational Films._) O advent of the age of gold, O happy day for proud papas When Hellas shall her tale unfold On secondary "cinemas"! When "all the glory that was Greece And all the grandeur that was Rome" Shall hire on a perpetual lease The academic "Picturedrome." O OVID on the screen for kids! O Helicon attained by 'bus! O filmographic Aeneids! O vitoscoped HERODOTUS! Our boys shall note the sacred Nine Ascending their immortal peak, Also Apollo (he was fine In the old films as _Alf the Freak_). They shall behold TEIRESIAS Telling the doom of Thebes, and con With eyes but not with lips the crass Way in which OEDIPUS went on.