[Illustration: _Wealthy Visitor._ "_YOU_ 'ARD UP! WOT DO _YOU_ DO TO MAKE YOU 'ARD UP? I NEVER 'EAR OF YOU GETTIN' A CAR FOR L2,000 AS _I_'VE JUST DONE, OR BUYIN' YOUR WIFE L3,000 WORTH O' JOOLREY AS _I_ DID LAST WEEK, OR SENDIN' YOUR BOY A 'UNDED POUNDS-WORTH O' MECHANICAL TOYS AS _I_ 'AVE THIS MORNIN'. YOU'VE 'AD BREAD AND CHEESE AND _I_'VE STOOD SIX JOLLY FELLERS A CHAMPAGNE LUNCH--'OW CAN _YOU_ BE 'ARD UP?"] * * * * * THE DANGER SIGNAL. ["I think moods and colours are related to one another. For instance, you have to feel very happy and well to enjoy rose-pink." _Miss GLADYS COOPER._] Dear, did the afternoon seem dull and dreary? Sweet, did you murmur as the tears fell thick-- "My true love cometh not and I am weary; This is a dirty trick"? Hear my excuse. With laudable precision I reached our rendezvous full early, but When you appeared in view, a rose-pink vision, I really had to cut. For oh! your costume made me apprehensive; That colour-scheme which caused my eyes to blink Proved you in joyous vein, while I was pensive And in no mood for pink. I wanted converse with the gentle lily And not the rose with all its flaunting show, Someone to stroke my hand and call me "Willie" In accents soft and low. If we had met, your gaiety had grieved me; There had been bitter back-chat to and fro; And so I stole away ere you perceived me; Dear, it was better so. * * * * * For all Tastes. "Number of births on the 28th instant 16; number of rats trapped on the 29th instant 273."--_The Said Gazette._ * * * * * THE EXPERT IN EXCELSIS. The invitation to Mr. ARTHUR BROCK, the well-known pyrotechnist, to express his opinion of STRAVINSKY'S orchestral fantasia, "Fireworks," on the occasion of its second performance at Queen's Hall on the 28th inst., has, we are delighted to learn, been fruitful of a series of similar invitations, not only in the sphere of music but also in the domain of art and letters. Thus we understand that the place of the ordinary musical critic of _The Times_ will be taken at the next performance of _Parsifal_ by Mr. WATERER, the great floricultural expert, and Mr. DEVANT, the eminent conjurer, with a view to their contributing their impressions of the flower maidens and the methods of the magician _Klingsor_ respectively. Similarly, on the occasion of the next representation of WAGNER'S _Flying Dutchman_ at Covent Garden, a signed criticism by the Chief Locomotive Superintendent of the Great Western Railway will appear in the pages of our contemporary.