It makes a different thing of it altogether. Of course on the actual night the match may refuse to strike, and _Lord John_ may have to go on saying "a man who--a man who--a man who" until the ignition occurs, but even so it will still seem delightfully natural to the audience (as if he were making up the epigram as he went along); while as for blowing the match out he can hardly fail to do _that_ in one. The cigarette, of course, will be smoked at other moments than epigrammatic ones, but on these other occasions you will not need to deal so fully with it in the stage directions. "_Duke (lighting cigarette)._ I trust, Perkins, that ..." is enough. You do not want to say, "_Duke (dropping ash on trousers)._ It seems to me, my love ..." or, "_Duke (removing stray piece of tobacco from tongue)._ What Ireland needs is ..."; still less "_Duke (throwing away end of cigarette)._ Show him in." For this must remain one of the mysteries of the stage--What happens to the stage cigarette when it has been puffed four times? The stage tea, of which a second cup is always refused; the stage cutlet, which is removed with the connivance of the guest after two mouthfuls; the stage cigarette, which nobody ever seems to want to smoke to the end--thinking of these as they make their appearances in the houses of the titled, one would say that the hospitality of the peerage was not a thing to make any great rush for.... But that would be to forget the butler and the three footmen. Even a Duke cannot have everything. And what his _chef_ may lack in skill his butler more than makes up for in impassivity. A. A. M. * * * * * From a column headed "Crimes and Tragedies" in _The Western Weekly Mercury_:-- "Sir J. W. Spear, M.P., has consented to become patron of the newly-formed Highampton Rifle Club." And we are left wondering which it is. * * * * * [Illustration: REFRESHING THE FRUIT. MR. JOHN BURNS. "PERFECT! PERFECT! BUT JUST WANTS THE MASTER'S TOUCH." (_Gives it._)] * * * * * [Illustration: _Cheery Passenger (in non-stop express)._ "WELL, I MUST SAY IT'S QUITE A RELIEF TO ME TO 'AVE A GENTLEMAN IN THE CARRIAGE. IT'S TWICE NOW I'VE 'AD A FIT IN A TUNNEL."] * * * * * ROOSEVELT RESURGIT