Produced by Neville Allen, Malcolm Farmer and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. VOL 146 JUNE 24, 1914. CHARIVARIA. The Cambridge University Boat Club has decided to spend L8,000 in improving the Cam. There is talk of making it into a river. * * * Says a writer in a contemporary, "Don't live in a houseboat during a flood." And yet NOAH always declared that he owed his life to having done so. * * * The gentlemen who formed M. RIBOT'S Cabinet are objecting to being described as "The One-Day Ministry." They were, they assert, in office for some hours more than that. * * * The attack on M. RIBOT'S Ministry in the matter of the Three Years' Service was led in the Chamber by three quite undistinguished Socialists; and the contest was described succinctly by an unsympathetic onlooker as "_Trois anes_ v. _Trois ans._" * * * By the way, M. VIVIANI'S Finance Minister is, we see, M. NOULENS. Is he, we wonder, any relation of M. Noulens-Voulens? * * * The KAISER has commanded that the Colonial War Memorial to be erected in Berlin shall take the form of an elephant. Presumably it is to be of Parian marble in order to signify that some of the German colonies are a bit like a white elephant. * * * A French squadron of eighteen vessels has lately been visiting Portland. It was perhaps a little unfortunate that Admiral CALLAGHAN'S ship should have been _The Iron Duke_--but no doubt our tactful officers explained to their visitors that the vessel had been so named after a wealthy iron-master who had been ennobled. * * * The report that an airship expedition is being prepared against the MAD MULLAH is said to have caused keen delight to the old gentleman, as he has never seen an aeronautical display of any kind. * * * It is now suggested that when Mr. HOBHOUSE took possession of H.M.S. _Monarch_, he was labouring under the delusion that he was Postmaster-Admiral as well as Postmaster-General. * * * The publication of _The Best of Lamb_, by Messrs. METHUEN, reminds one that a literary butcher once complained that LAMB had not been issued in The Canterbury Poets. * * * Although Mr. T. P. O'CONNOR is severing his connection with _T. P.'s Weekly_ the name of the paper will not be changed. This sort of thing is well calculated to confuse and unsettle the public. "T. P. or not T. P.? that'll be the question." * * * Illustration: _Examining Admiral_ (_to naval candidate_). "NOW MENTION THREE GREAT ADMIRALS." _Candidate._ "DRAKE, NELSON AND--I BEG YOUR PARDON, SIR, I DIDN'T QUITE CATCH YOUR NAME." * * * It is denied that the title of our newest magazine--_Blast_--was suggested by Mr. BERNARD SHAW. * * *